


The World Where Neji Lived

by OrthodoxLily



Series: Civil Affairs: Stories About The Civilian Side of The Narutoverse [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Awkward Conversations, Bad Parenting, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Child Marriage, Civilian Original Female Character(s), Dialogue Light, F/M, Family Drama, Hyuuga Clan Politics, Hyuuga Clan-centric, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Implied Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Mother-Son Relationship, No Underage Sex, Third Shinobi War, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25898383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrthodoxLily/pseuds/OrthodoxLily
Summary: A Civil Affairs Spin-Off Story!What if Kiyoko Shiranui, the protagonist of Civil Affairs, was born a generation earlier and had been fated to love Hizashi Hyuuga? How would her life have been different and would her personality have been altered by her experiences? An alternate version of the Civil Affairs Narutoverse but can be read as a standalone so if you've never read my other fic you can still enjoy this.Result of the Oneshot Giveaway from 2019.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hizashi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Civil Affairs: Stories About The Civilian Side of The Narutoverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149197
Comments: 21
Kudos: 104





	1. PART I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elladoralestrange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elladoralestrange/gifts).



> Hey Everyone!
> 
> For those of you who have been reading my fanfiction Civil Affairs for awhile, you may remember that in order to interact with my community better I did a oneshot giveaway between February and April of 2019. Everyone who was interested was asked to submit a prompt to me via email/PM, I would randomly assign them numbers, and then draw those numbers out of a hat to decide the winning prompt. Whatever prompt I pulled out, I was going to write a oneshot about.
> 
> The winner was ElladoraLestrange over on FF.net who is one of my longest standing readers so it was really cool that her prompt won. Her reviews have been with me since the beginning and it was great to be able to return her loyalty somehow. 
> 
> Her prompt was:
> 
> Kiyoko one-shot (can preferably be a pairing but doesn't have to be). Kiyoko must have the same personality and be a civilian. Other then that, no restrictions. Suggested pairings are; Gaara, Hashirama, Hiashi Hyuga, Hizashi Hyuga, Itachi, Madara (before traitor), Minato, Neji, Orochimaru (before he turned traitor), Sai, Sakumo H., Sasori (before traitor), Shikaku, Shikamaru, Shino, Shisui, Tobirama (- lol, geez why is this one on the list), Yamato
> 
> This prompt was awesome - vague but concise at the same time and I got all kinds of ideas. For some reason my mind FIXATED on Hizashi Hyuuga and the rest is history.
> 
> Well, the oneshot didn't really go as planned since shortly after I went through a couple life crisis that caused me to disappear for a year. This oneshot, along with Civil Affairs, sat partially ignored over that year. But I'm back now and I have more energy then ever to write...so that oneshot became a short story...
> 
> I got a little carried away, to say the least, and it became a short story. (Well, short to me) 
> 
> This story will have several PARTS though I'm not currently sure how many. I have 3 written so far but we might get up to 4 or even 5 depending on how long it takes me to write certain scenes.This was still originally meant to be a oneshot so you'll notice that the scenes are a lot quicker, less dialogue heavy and less emotionally charged then Civil Affairs. This is meant to be an overview of Kiyoko's life if it was changed by the above factors, to see how different it would be, so you may find it a little fast-paced. 
> 
> I also want to mention that I have lost my editor because she is a hard-working woman who doesn't always have time to read my fics anymore... :( 
> 
> So you may receive some alerts about this story because I will frequently return to edit it. I will not be posting it on FF.net until it is completely posted here and edited to my satisfaction, because having to edit the story on both platforms at once is really annoying. It shouldn't take too long but I apologize if people get double alerts.
> 
> Now you've noticed (I'm sure) as child marriage but I assure you there is NO SEXUALIZING OR GROOMING of children in this fic. I was going to use the 'Underage' tag but when I read the description it said not to use it unless the topic is explored graphically so I settled for 'Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings'. 
> 
> Please keep in mind while reading this that age of adulthood in Konoha is sixteen in the Civil Affairs Narutoverse, so there are some blurred lines there and while it is not a topic covered yet in Civil Affairs, some of the spin offs I have outlined that take place during the Warring States Era do include child marriages with people between 14 and 16, sometimes to people older then them. Since this story puts Kiyoko a generation earlier, Konoha has not yet entirely broken the child marriage trend so it comes up - nothing graphic but it is mentioned. 
> 
> If you're sensitive to these themes it may be best if you don't continue to read this story. 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy!

**Civil Affairs Narutoverse - <>\- The World Where Neji Lived -<>\- PART I **

My sister, Atsuko, and I were the youngest of Kigo and Umeko Shiranui’s five children; we had three elder brothers who came before us. Fugo, Tomoe and Shuro.

To this day, I’m not sure whether my relationship with my family was normal or not. Any family dynamic I’ve had since made my original one seems normal by comparison.

To elaborate, everyone else in the village seemed to know my brother Fugo better than we did. I had only ever met him once or twice and the meetings were brief. There were eleven years between us and by the time we were old enough to understand he was our brother; he had been long gone. He was praised highly by elite shinobi and my father as a genius, though at the time I didn’t understand the weight of that statement. Perhaps, even now, I still don’t.

He joined ANBU Black Ops at twelve and our family never saw him again.

He could be long dead or could pass me every day on the street and I would have no idea. Yet, the idea doesn’t bother me even though I know it probably should. Fugo, as terrible as this sounds, was more of an idea than an actual person and... it’s difficult for me to mourn an idea.

My parents clearly loved one another and were kind people, but despite that neither of them were nurturing towards their children. We were fed, clothed, and taught how to behave. Cared for but not necessarily nurtured. When you looked into my parent’s eyes, there was love and pride...but there was also a layer of coldness unique to people who had known only death and war in their lives. People who feared what they would become if they got just a little too attached to someone else. Even if those ‘someones’ were their own children.

Too late I realized that I had mimicked my parents with my own son. Thirteen years of my life were marked by war, just as my parent’s entire lives had been, and I could only hope that my children would see true peace in their lifetime.

I never miss my parents. They raised me to embrace a future where they would be gone, and I would have to continue without them. Besides, there is no point in mourning them when they lived full lives, accomplished much, and died natural deaths. Most people in Konohagakure no Sato are not that fortunate.

It is Shuro and Atsuko that I find myself mourning in the times when I’m forced to face terrible things alone. They were my family and it wasn’t until they were gone that I realized how much I needed them.

XxX

I was six years old when I learned that Atsuko and I weren’t the only identical twins in Konohagakure.

Looking back on it from adulthood, it seems obvious that we weren’t the only ones but as young as we were, it had been a new concept. In my later years as a student I learned that children are ‘preoperational’ at that age. They are egocentric, meaning they can’t seem to understand abstract ideas outside themselves. What does your friend see? That is nearly impossible for children of that age to grasp. They assume their friend must always see the same things they do.

So, it is natural that I’d had difficulty understanding the very idea that I wasn’t the only one in the world with a twin until confronted with it in a way I couldn’t avoid.

It was late Winter 1436. I can’t recall the exact date or even the month.

My elder brother, Tomoe, was getting married to some girl I had never met and, quite frankly, didn’t care to meet. I loved Tomoe but, as young as I was, had no interest in his future wife. Her family owned a dumpling stand in the Imai District and made a modest living that way. The two of them were only sixteen and I’d heard my father whispering harshly to my mother that he felt Tomoe was making a mistake. In hindsight, perhaps his irritability had something to do with my nephew Genma’s birth. I don’t quite remember the date of Tomoe’s wedding, only that Genma was born the following July and the mother didn’t survive.

As an adult, I can recognize the implications that escaped me as a child and likely distressed my father. In my opinion he had no one to blame but himself. After all it was him who had always enforced that Shiranui men ‘treated women properly’ so it was rather hypocritical of him to expect his son to sign a Declaration of Paternity and shove the mother of his unborn child aside.

To a child, the event had seemed grand. It was full of unfamiliar faces and, as such, it seemed like everyone in Konohagakure had been invited.

As an adult when I reflected on it, it was rather modest.

It consisted of the bride’s small family and our slightly larger one. While there was plenty for the guests to eat and drink, it took place in our small backyard which had been decorated quickly and inexpensively. As it was winter many of my mother’s plants had died so she had compensated by making origami flowers, which she scattered along the flowerbed. I remembered that she had sat for weeks before the wedding, endlessly folding them without help. Cheap paper lanterns, which we normally used to decorate the front porch during festivals, had been suspended between the back of the house and tall, wooden poles my father had borrowed from a training ground nearby. The poles had been wrapped in thick satin ribbons which were lilac in colour. It seemed like another frivolous decoration, but I knew from watching my father’s painstaking attempts to wrap them _just so_ that it was to hide the marks left by shuriken.

It didn’t normally snow in Konohagakure until later in the winter season and even then, the snow was brief. There was always a winter chill that was unmistakable from November through to March. To combat this and make sure Tomoe’s guests were comfortable, my father had built small stone furnaces around the yard. Most of them were over by the tables but there were also some on the other side of the yard.

There were many unfamiliar people.

Some of Tomoe’s ninja colleagues were there, though they all cleared out as soon as the free drinks, courtesy of my father, had ended. A handful of my parents' friends were there, though they sat at a table and spoke quietly with my mother the entire time. According to my mother years later, my father had tracked down Fugo and invited him, but he had openly declared that he ‘wasn’t interested’. It was one of the only times Kigo’s eldest had disappointed him and it had left my father in a foul mood the entire evening. I’m not sure what he expected from a man who had clearly severed ties with his family. Perhaps he’d thought that, because Fugo and Tomoe were close in age, he would feel some obligation to his brother and appear. Regardless of what my father thought at the time, he had ended up being mistaken and all he had earned was a sour mood during his second son’s wedding.

Kigo Shiranui was a kind man who thought the world of his children and he took it very hard when they disappointed him.

My brother Shuro however, made a genin earlier that same year, was accounted for. His sensei had been planning a training mission for his team that afternoon but having heard the news of Tomoe’s wedding had cancelled. Shuro hadn’t even had to ask for the day off. Once she learned they had no plans, my mother had invited Shuro’s entire genin team to the gathering. Knowing her like I did, this was mostly just to make sure Shuro had someone to keep him company at the dry event. His sensei had politely declined but his two teammates, who before that day I’d never met, had chosen to come.

That is how I met the other twins in the village. Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuuga.

Even now, years later, I don’t understand the fondness that the noble Hyuuga twins had for Shuro Shiranui. As a genin, Shuro was dorky and outspoken at inappropriate times. Nothing like his cool-headed and polite teammates. Yet the three boys, even when they became men, shared one of the strongest platonic bonds I’d ever seen.

Shuro was my brother and I understood him to an extent.

I realized that the friendship he had with the twins filled an emotional void that had been left by the distance of his real brothers. None of my brothers were particularly close to one another; one of my parent’s personality traits which had clearly rubbed off on them.

Shuro’s attachment to the Hyuuga twins I understood but what I never could understand was why the twins entertained and encouraged it. I could never understand why, when they were so different from him, they held him in such high regard. Perhaps it was a ninja thing. A ‘we fight and bleed together’ thing. Which, admittedly, is something that I can romanticize but will never be able to completely understand.

Atsuko and I, disinterested with the entire event, had spent most of our time playing near a furnace in the far corner of the backyard. From where we were, I could still clearly see and be seen by my mother, but we were away from the strangers. It had been me who gravitated towards the isolated corner. Contrary to our normal dynamic, Atsuko had felt it appropriate to follow me without protest.

Usually Atsuko lead and I followed.

Our mother dressed us in matching powder blue kimono, which only seemed to exaggerate how identical we were. We had the same features. Same long, straight brown hair and indigo eyes. Our facial structure, sharp then even despite our youth, was eerily similar.

It was even more reason to stay away from the unfamiliar guests. It saved us the awkwardness of not being recognized or called by the wrong name. Our mother and siblings were the only ones that could tell us apart. Our father thought he could tell us apart, but the truth was that he couldn’t. Even when he got it wrong, we would pretend he was right so as to spare his feelings - it was something we had decided as soon as we realized our father’s common mistake. Earlier that day Tomoe had gifted us with satin ribbons for our hair, which matched the lilac ones being used to decorate the wooden posts. We loved and cherished them for years afterwards; I still have mine two decades later.

The sun had gone down, and father had just lit all the paper lanterns when Shuro, who had been ignoring us most of the wedding, came up to us.

“See! I told you they were twins!” He exclaimed over his shoulder. He was speaking to his two teammates who had accompanied him, although I don’t remember noticing them at first. They were quiet.

“Atsuko,” He proceeded to scold my twin, his hands coming to rest on his hips. While he was only eleven to our six, Shuro always seemed to think it was his business to be the ‘big brother’ figure. To us Fugo was barely a thought and Tomoe acted like another playmate, so I supposed he felt that the duty of being the authority figure fell to him. “Stop playing in the dirt. You’re going to ruin your kimono.”

His scolding caused me to look over in her direction.

I had been sitting quietly and weaving grass together to make fake pineapples, so I hadn’t really been paying attention. Now that I looked over, I noticed that Atsuko had decided to make mud pies. A decision which was slowly leading to the destruction of her new, expensive kimono. I said nothing, looked away and picked up another handful of tall, bladed grass.

Shuro and Atsuko were always fighting about something and to be honest I wasn’t interested in being involved. My mother had given Atsuko the same talk she gave me about how special the kimono was; it was her choice to disregard it. As it was her choice it was therefore none of my business. None of Shuro’s either, in my opinion.

It wasn’t any of his business in Atsuko’s opinion too as her response was to push her cheeks together, getting mud on them, and blow a big raspberry in his direction. Shuro started to growl at her, clearly plotting how best to get back at her for her disrespect.

“How do you tell them apart?” I heard a calm voice ask from behind Shuro. I looked up again, now noticing the two other boys accompanying my brother. It was dark and they were standing behind him, so at best all I could make out were darkened silhouettes. Since he was standing partially in front of the furnace, I could see Shuro’s expression as his anger briefly subsided and he shrugged non-committedly at the question. Unable to properly see the speakers, I went back to what I was doing.

“I don’t know,” he started in confusion, “same way I tell you two apart. You’re different, it's just that you have to know what to look for. That’s all.”

Atsuko blew another raspberry in his direction. She also added a quick shout of ‘dork!’ to the equation. I watched the muscle at the edge of my brother’s mouth spasm as his irritation returned. My face remained passive and I continued to weave my fake pineapples as I watched the battle take place before me.

“For example,” he started, his face growing dark as he stooped towards my twin, “Atsuko’s the dumb one that never shuts up.” He stuck his face right in Atsuko’s as he pushed his big brother persona aside in favour of teasing her.

“I am not dumb!” Atsuko exclaimed, sounding mortified.

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

Instead of responding, Atsuko stuck out her tongue and licked Shuro’s face, from chin to forehead, in one fell swoop. Several things happened at once.

Ninja or not, my brother was clearly not expecting the sudden action, and he reeled away from her quickly with a disgusted exclamation. Atsuko cackled in victory, picked up her dirty kimono and ran across the yard to where my mother was sitting. As he reeled, Shuro’s elbow knocked into the furnace and dislodged one of the stones, causing it to slide down into the fire and snuff it out. All three genin and myself were suddenly left in darkness, while my brother vigorously tried to wipe his face.

I sat in silence for a long moment, taking in the darkness that surrounded us. The noise of the festivities suddenly seemed to me to be far away - as if it had left with the light. I felt fear blossoming in my chest, which then created panic, which eventually culminated in my face going hot and tears welling up in my eyes. I bit my lip as I fought them back and let the fake pineapple I’d been working on fall to the ground.

“S-Shuro…” I started weakly, unable to see anything through a combination of the darkness and my tears, “I-it’s d-dark.”

I heard my brother yelp in sudden realization, and he was hovering over me in an instant. My father scolded me often for being afraid of the dark and so I struggled with it adamantly. I was not successful this time.

“Oh man,” I felt him slowly grab my hand and use it to point, guiding my head to look in that direction, “See, Kiyoko! You can see the party and all the paper lanterns from here. It’s not so bad.”

I sniffled a little bit as my eyes adjusted and realized that I could, indeed, still see the light from the party. I could even see my mother in the distance holding Atsuko’s arms and scolding her for her dirty kimono. I could see Tomoe standing awkwardly next to his bride while a colleague slapped his shoulder jovially. I could see my father and the bride’s father glaring at one another next to the food table, likely having had some disagreement over money or food. Both were frugal men, and both thought the other had spent too little on the wedding while they had spent too much.

“It’s not so bad.” I agreed easily, using my small fist to wipe my eyes and then proceeded to pick up my unfinished pineapple. My brother sighed and I felt him drop to the ground next to me in relief. His teammates had moved to hover next to him and I felt him rest a hand on my head but didn’t look up.

“And Kiyoko here...is the good one.” He said warmly, ruffling my straight brown hair slightly, “Little bit of a scaredy cat though.”

“I don’t like the dark,” I responded bluntly, scrutinizing a particular blade of grass, and trying to figure out how best to weave it into the others, “You never know what’s in it.”

A brief silence fell over us.

“That’s very true,” One of my brother’s teammates started, “but that doesn’t mean you have to be scared. The same amount of good and bad things exists around you whether you can see them or not. The dark can hide bad things, but it doesn’t bring them with it.” 

I paused in my work briefly, my face blank, as I contemplated this new idea. This strange boy had a point...didn’t he? Just because something was in the dark didn’t always mean it was a _bad_ something. Just because something was in the light didn’t mean it was a _good_ something. After all, just now when the furnace had gone out all the good things that were always there in the light, like Shuro, continued to be there while all the bad things…

Well, there weren’t any bad things. Tomoe’s wedding only had good things in both the light and the dark. 

“As much as I agree with you don’t try and get philosophical with her, Hizashi.” Shuro dismissed with a chuckle, “She’s only a little kid.”

“I never thought of that before.” I said bluntly, feeling my brother jump in surprise. “That makes sense.”

“What!?” Shuro exclaimed and I felt his hand leave my head as he leapt up onto his feet, “You’re telling me that’s all it took! I’ve told you that before!” I never recalled Shuro saying something like that to me before. I suppose it was entirely possible and I had disregarded him. It was Shuro after all.

“Maybe..but the way he said it was smart.” I told him passively, ignoring the withering glare I got in return.

“I think your little sister just called you dumb, Shuro.” The other teammate pointed out cooly.

“Kiyoko...why are you so cold to your big brother?” Shuro asked me despairingly and I refused to look at him, weaving away. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t think I was being cold. I was just telling him what I thought.

“What are you making?” The boy who pointed out that I’d basically called Shuro dumb asked and, for the first time, I actually _looked_ at the teammates.

I froze.

I quickly took in everything about them, from their height, to their hair and the expressions of their faces. They both had long black hair that they kept away from their face, high cheekbones, and featureless white eyes. They even wore their Konoha forehead protectors the same way, predictably across their forehead. They were identical...like Atsuko and I were.

I’d never seen another set of twins before and I was admittedly star-struck. I couldn’t tell them apart and it was both an awkward and intriguing feeling. Is that how people felt when faced with my sister and I side-by-side?

After only a short pause I responded.

“Pineapples.” I was a little shocked at their appearance, but I was rather proud of my intricately woven, grass pineapples and that outweighed the shock. I reached down, picked up a completed one, and presented it to the male twin who had asked about them. He politely accepted it although I could see some reluctance on his face at the exchange. I suddenly felt odd for giving a pineapple to one and not the other, so I quickly picked another one up off the ground and handed it to the other twin. He mirrored his brother’s expression exactly and I felt my eyes widen in fascination at the act.

For once I was gifted with a glimpse of what it might be like for other people who were suddenly faced with the duality of myself and Atsuko. Did Atsuko and I make facial expressions in unison as well? Did we really look that _alike_? I knew most people couldn’t tell us apart, but I don’t think I’d ever really understood _why_ until that moment. I was a child and ‘identical’ had always just been another adult word I only partially understood. I don’t think until that moment I’d fully grasped what that meant...and, on top of that, that there could be more than one set of identical people in the world.

“Do I get one, Kiyo?” Shuro asked excitedly, getting over his funk and appearing to my left. Truthfully, those were the only two I had finished and to be honest I was starting to get bored of weaving them. In response, I silently plopped the unfinished pineapple into his hands.

“Why does mine look so sad!?” My brother exclaimed unhappily.

I ignored him and stood up, lightly brushing some stray blades of grass off my kimono. I stared at the male twins for another long moment, trying to decide whether I should say something and if I did say something...what I would say. Shuro noticed my staring and decided to interject, the half-finished pineapple still cupped in his hands.

“Guess I should have introduced you properly.” He admitted sheepishly, “Kiyoko, these are my teammates, Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuuga.” He introduced them together like they were a single entity, just like my mother introduced Atsuko and I to new adults. But even though they looked the same...they must be different, right? Just like my twin and I were. If she and I were capable of being different people then they were too, weren’t they?

I focused on their pupiless, pearly white eyes and was temporarily distracted from their sameness.

There were a lot of different eyes in this world. I’d seen blue eyes, green eyes, grey eyes and onyx eyes. Eyes that were yellow and once I even saw eyes that glowed red when I happened to see the Police Force make an arrest. My mother’s were indigo, my father’s were brown. Tomoe’s eyes were indigo like my mother’s, as were mine and Atsuko’s. Shugo’s eyes were the only ones I knew to be brown like my father. I didn’t know about Fugo’s...for all I knew he didn’t even have eyes.

In my young life, I hadn’t seen eyes like those: white with no pupils. Not yet.

“Why are your eyes strange?” I asked abruptly and Shuro immediately jumped. 

“Kiyoko!” He exclaimed, “You can’t just ask that! That’s rude!”

“It’s okay.” The first twin assured his teammate. I had elected to call them ‘first twin’ and ‘second twin’ as per the order they had spoken to me.

“We’re used to it.” The second twin confirmed before continuing, “They look different because our eyes are our kekkei genkai.”

I stared for a long moment as I tried to digest this information.

“What’s that?” I finally questioned, unable to interpret his answer on my own.

“A kekkei genkai is a ninja skill.” The first twin elaborated, “It's a ninja skill that runs in families.”

I thought about this for a long moment.

“So... it’s a ninja skill father, Tomoe and Shuro can’t learn?” I omitted Fugo because he hardly seemed relevant.

“Right.” Both twins said with a nod.

“Oh.” Was all I said in return and I went silent again, still scrutinizing the twins. “Which one are you?”

I pointed at the first twin who looked a little surprised I would ask but answered, “Hizashi.”

“So, you’re Hiashi?” I inquired, looking at the second twin who nodded.

“Hm. Okay.” I said and then I turned to leave, mentally trying to burn which twin was which into my mind.

XxX

Now, looking back on it life moved too quickly and the years bled away before I could comprehend everything that happened to me.

After my nephew, Genma, was born Tomoe withdrew into himself and became just as absent as Fugo. I never saw Tomoe again and I would only see his son years later, when building a relationship with him was a daunting task with little reward.

Eventually, it came time for me to decide whether I would attend the Ninja Academy and become a kunoichi of the leaf. It was a hard decision to ask a child to make and I honestly would have just gone with Atsuko if I hadn’t overheard my mother crying in her bedroom late one night. I heard her imploring my father to say no to Atsuko’s obvious desire to be a kunoichi - pointing out that she was losing her children one by one. First Fugo left, then Tomoe started signing up for longer missions and Shuro, now a chunin, also rarely visited. She had three sons and they were complete strangers to her.

Her twin daughters, in her mind, were all she had left.

My father refused to keep us from the Ninja Academy if it was our desire and had emphasized heavily the talent that would be wasted if we stayed civilians. After hearing my mother’s cries however, I couldn’t find it in myself to attend alongside my twin and told my father that I would rather not go. Atsuko had felt betrayed by my choice and she refused to speak to me for almost a year, though she finally got over it once she had established a solid circle of friends.

It wasn’t long after Atsuko entered The Academy that Shuro and his teammates were all promoted to jonin. Shuro got it into his head that he was going to join ANBU and track down our oldest brother - he always was an idiot that way. He always seemed to think that Fugo could be found and won over with carefully chosen words and passion. My father tried to talk him out of it, warning him that he prided himself on family too much to waste his time as a ghost, but he didn’t listen. My mother cried, he shook off her tears and told her it was going to be alright despite knowing he would probably fail. Despite knowing we would never see him again.

The last day any of us saw Shuro he took the time to walk both Atsuko and I to school - despite them being on opposite sides of the village. After we had dropped off Atsuko, he took my hand and we detoured to an ice cream shop. He bought me a cone, shot me a mischievous grin and with a finger over his lips urged me never to tell my twin about the treat. Then he finished walking me to school, ruffled my hair and was forever gone from my life. My family never saw Shuro again though last I’d heard he was alive.

That was more than I could say for Atsuko.

Tension had been rising between the five Great Shinobi Countries as we entered, what I would reflect on later, as the cusp of the Third Shinobi World War. Missions, even C ranked ones, were becoming more and more dangerous just by the nature of Konohagakure’s ever-growing list of enemies.

Atsuko became a genin in 1442 and was dead within a year.

I didn’t know the details, they never share the details when someone is KIA, but it was a C ranked mission that went horribly wrong. Two of the three genin, Atsuko included, were killed alongside their sensei and the one who survived would never walk again. I found myself hoping that whichever faction had been responsible for killing Atsuko had been merciful enough to make it quick. She was only a kid, after all, and she was obviously killed to make a statement since there was no way she knew anything worthwhile.

I doubted it was Kumogakure since their Raikage was a straightforward sort or Sunagakure since they had better ways of making a statement then killing genin. I’d always had my unconfirmed suspicions that Kusagakure was to blame. I learned as I got older that they were a small ninja village and the only way they could get any attention was to make big statements - like killing children.

Who killed my sister would always be a mystery and while I had my suspicions, there was a part of me that didn’t want to know. What purpose did I have in knowing? Would it somehow make me feel better? No. Was there a way for me to avenge her? No.

With Fugo and Shuro absorbed into the entity known as ANBU, Tomoe off raising his son and Atsuko KIA before she had even reached her prime, I was all that was left. That was a crushing realization for someone who was only twelve years old - pushing thirteen in a few months.

The first time I really missed Shuro was at Atsuko’s burial. Her body had been retrieved and we buried her within a week, in the spring. The plot my family had chosen was in an old graveyard which had once belonged to an extinct clan, the Hanabachiro clan, though now it housed countless Senju headstones. My father had served Lord Second in his youth and this was one of his rewards - to have his family buried amongst the Senju Clan.

It was hard for me to see Atsuko’s corpse, her eyes identical to my own closed for eternity. I waited until everyone else was gone before I moved to see her. When I got close to the casket, I remember bile rising in my throat, my hands trembled as I moved them closer to place the lily I’d carried and I froze in sudden terror. Was this what I would look like when I was dead? Yes. I didn’t even have to ask - that was exactly what I would look like when I died.

Despite my attempts, the best I could manage was to drop the white flower like it had burned me and I mentally apologized to Atsuko for my weakness. I should have placed it with care, but I could barely manage the way I threw it down. I didn’t pray like I was supposed to or even give my sister’s soul a second thought. I just wanted to leave. I staggered backwards from the casket, unaware of my surroundings, and in that instant found myself up against another person.

I stilled.

I was ashamed that someone had seen me like this - seen my cowardice. Seen my inability to cope with the image of myself laying in a casket for the sake of my sister. It took me longer than I should have but I looked over my shoulder and up at the face of the intruder.

Hizashi Hyuuga looked back at me passively.

I’d never associated closely with my brother’s teammates, but I had done my best to learn to tell the twins apart. The older Hiashi was soft and gentle, always asking if people were okay and going out of his way to accommodate others. Hizashi, the younger of the twins, was sterner than his older brother which was shaped by what I could only describe as years of carefully concealed bitterness. Bitterness at what I wouldn’t learn until years later but just because I didn’t know the source didn’t mean it was hidden from me.

I watched silently as he bent over me to pick up the very lily I had just discarded and silently gave it back to me. I took it without a word, watching as his hands then maneuvered over mine to hold them steady. He forced them to lower the flower back to Atsuko’s body, then he held my trembling hands until they stopped long enough for me to clap them together in silent prayer. When he was sure I was calm, he changed his position to stand beside me and mimicked my stance - both of us praying for Atsuko’s safe passage to The Pure Land.

We stayed like that for several long minutes until eventually we both shifted and without a word, I turned to walk away from Hizashi.

“You would have regretted it...if I’d let you leave things that way.” The younger Hyuuga twin’s words echoed around the empty graveyard and I knew he was right. I would’ve only realized too late that because of my own selfishness I hadn’t even prayed for my twin’s soul. It would’ve haunted me.

I stopped and looked back at him, taking in his pearly eyes and hardened features.

“I know.” I conceded cooly, looking away soon after, “Thank you.”

At seventeen his face was already maturing with experience as a shinobi and a clan leader’s son. Last year Hizashi had taken on the hard task of governing the Hyuuga branch clan which meant that, except for missions, he was rarely seen beyond his own compound. The graveyard we were currently in was in the Imai District, near the Hyuuga compounds, so I imagined he’d seen the funeral procession go by and had followed.

I listened as his footsteps approached, likely heavier than normal for my benefit, as he closed the gap between us.

“I didn’t want to be disrespectful, so I kept my distance. I wondered if-” He cut himself off and I heard the hesitation in his voice. He’d wondered if the body in the casket was Shuro’s. I sent him a knowing look, trying to silently let him know that he didn’t need to say it aloud. It would’ve been a wild guess, since those who died in ANBU never had their bodies retrieved, but he was obviously worried about his old teammate and wondered where he was. I imagine if the body had been Shuro’s, Hizashi would have almost felt relief. Not knowing at all hurt more than knowing the worst. “I would’ve used my Byakugan but it’s only for the living. When I saw your reaction though, even from afar, I knew it wasn’t him.”

“I’m the only one left.” I felt myself saying, though more to myself then Hizashi. “Atsuko...Fugo...Shuro...Tomoe is alive but it’s like he isn’t even family anymore.”

I sighed and brought a hand up so that I could stare at it absently, tracing the lines in my palm.

“So, I’m all that’s left...and it’s _lonely_.” It was embarrassing to admit but it was the truth. In that moment I suddenly felt an overwhelming loneliness at the realization that all my siblings were _gone_. One way or another they were gone. My parents had a few more years left if my father wasn’t KIA but once my mother was gone...then what? Thanks to Tomoe’s strange behaviour my own nephew, the one most likely to be left, was a stranger and changing that was a near impossibility. How many years would it take before I was all alone? Ten? Fifteen?

Would I live and die alone?

I missed Shuro. With Atsuko gone he was the only one who could chase away this deep-seated fear of loneliness I had. Hizashi’s hand came to rest comfortingly on my shoulder and he clenched it tightly after a moment. Reminding me he was there.

I didn’t exactly understand the relationship between ninja teammates, but the way Atsuko had described it, it was a deep seated bond like few others. Much like family...if not stronger in my broken one’s case.

Maybe that’s why Fugo and Tomoe were so messed up. Our parents hadn’t been overly close with us nor had my father demanded it of us. Fugo had been so talented he’d never had teammates, never formed close bonds, and Tomoe’s teammates had been rotated out almost monthly since they couldn’t keep up with his quick development. Lord Third had been convinced that he needed more of a challenge, so they put him with older genin or even sometimes chunin, but never the same ones for long.

They didn’t know how to be close to other people and, if I was being honest, besides Shuro and Atsuko neither did I. But they had known how and Hizashi was demonstrating that now by going out of his way to comfort me. He was doing so on my older brother’s behalf.

“You won’t be alone, Kiyoko.”

xXx

When the Third Shinobi World War started, on June 24th, 1444, I was thirteen years old - soon to be fourteen - and I remember the announcement like it was yesterday.

I had been in class, learning about Lord Second’s development of the public-school system, when the principal came in to speak with my teacher. They discussed something in hushed tones before nodding at each other, seeming to decide something. When I reflected on it they were likely deciding whether the class of young teenagers was old enough to hear the news firsthand...or whether it should wait until we got home. They had decided that we were old enough and my teacher commanded our attention, before going to help the principal wheel in a large radio. The radio was rarely bought into class - we only usually saw it when they were doing a program of a book we were reading.

The class erupted into excited chatter, clearly thinking that we were going to get to listen to a program as a treat, but something about my teacher’s body language kept me silent. I knew something was happening though I didn’t know exactly what.

“Quiet!” The teacher shouted, the unexpected vitriol stopping the students immediately. The teacher had never yelled at us like that before. “Lord Hokage is going to make an announcement and you’re all going to listen respectfully. Understand?”

You could’ve heard a pin drop.

Lord Hokage was going to make an announcement? They were going to broadcast it on the radio? Even a group of civilian teenagers knew that meant it had to be something very important, so we stilled. I barely remember his speech. It had been rather long winded as he’d gone over each event that had finally led to this decision.

What I did remember was the way his voice had crackled through the speakers as he’d finished - his voice a plea for us all to be resilient in the days ahead.

“As of now, we, of The Leaf, are at war with the rest of the world. We have no allies beyond these walls, and it is with sadness I inform you that it will be this way for some time. We will show them our Will of Fire, all of us, civilian and ninja alike. We have only each other and we will emerge from these dark days stronger than ever before!” 

They graduated all civilians thirteen and older a week following the announcement so that we could enter the workforce. More hands would be needed, they said, to produce more supplies to keep our ninja in the field. Food, weapons, paper bombs, bandages...you name it suddenly it was in short supply.

I wasn’t sure how he’d done it but instead of finding myself working in the factories, my father had found me a position at the Civil Affairs Office. Founded by Lord Second, the office handled all the documentation and procedures that the village needed to function. Our biggest need, however, was in the Registrations Department. There was a never-ending stream of birth, marriage and death certificates, as well as Declarations of Paternity. The war had brought with it a massive baby boom as shinobi realizing their increased risk of dying rushed to carry on their lines - some through proper marriages and some just through pregnancies. So, it was to Registrations that the new blood had been sent. The department became a flurry of old women fighting constantly with round-faced, young teenagers who were not happy to be there.

All women that worked in the office dressed the same: in dark grey or black skirt-suits, comfortable heels and with your hair pulled up into a bun. The restrictive dress earned nothing but complaints from the young girls that worked there but they were informed if they had a problem with it, the factories would be happy to take them. That was enough to shut them up.

I didn’t mind the uniform - in fact I almost preferred it to having to figure out what was appropriate to wear into the office each day. Especially with new clothing so difficult to come by.

The work was methodical, so I found it almost comforting and preferred to do the job that had been assigned to me rather than fighting with the older staff. It was there, contentedly doing my work, that I met my first and only friend.

Yuzuha Nara.

She was my age and the daughter of the head of the Nara Clan and since we’d been assigned to sit next to one another we talked while we worked. She was a very open individual and within a few months there was very little that I didn’t know about her. She informed me that she had gone to the other civilian public school in the village which was why we had never met. I supposed that made sense. The Nara Clan compound was near the Harashi District which was where the other school was located.

I liked Yuzuha.

Unlike a lot of the other girls, she knew what it was like to be from a ninja family and I enjoyed hearing her talk about her brother - the two of them were remarkably close. She and Shikaku were like siblings ought to be and I found myself almost living vicariously through their bond. Over time I’d learned that she’d been betrothed up until earlier in the year when her fiance was killed. He was one of the Akimichi Clan heads' sons and so his death had been one of the many turning points that had led to the start of the war.

I had gotten into the habit of walking home with Yuzuha, since she would need to walk past my house to get to her compound, and it was on one of those days that Hizashi visited.

As we approached my house, I could make out the form of my father standing on the front step with an ugly look on his face and a younger man facing him. I didn’t realize it was Hizashi at first especially with the uncharacteristically cold way my father was treating him. My father had always liked the Hyuuga twins since they were close friends of Shuro’s and were so polite.

It was Yuzuha who distinguished him as we both came to a stop on the street, out of the two men’s earshot.

“Isn’t that one of the Hyuuga twins?” She asked me, raising an eyebrow and waiting for me to respond.

“You know them?” I returned. It wasn’t completely unreasonable that Yuzuha would know who they were but being able to figure out who they were from a distance suggested familiarity.

“Yeah, we do business with them all the time. The twins’ mother is very sick but alive and has been like that for years. Whatever disease she has even Lady Tsunade can’t cure but it doesn’t kill her...just makes her _linger_. Honestly, it sounds terrible. One or the other is always coming by the compound to get her medicine - for some reason they insist on doing it themselves instead of sending a clansman.” She explained, “How does your dad know them?”

“They were my brother’s teammates,” I told her, almost absently as I watched the two men interact. My father seemed to be getting more agitated by the second and I couldn’t see Hizashi’s face, but his posture was rigid. Whatever they were disagreeing about...it had to be important. “But honestly...I haven’t seen them in years.”

I hadn’t seen Hizashi in the last two years. The last time had been when he’d helped me gain the courage to give Atsuko a proper send off.

“Huh, weird. Your dad looks mad.” She pointed out, her mouth twisting into a poorly concealed frown. “Maybe uh...maybe I should leave you here…”

She trailed off and I knew why. She didn’t _want_ to leave me behind, but she was clearly getting the same impression I was. Whatever my father and Hizashi were arguing about probably wasn’t suited to my ears, let alone someone like Yuzuha who wasn’t even family. I would probably only agitate the situation further by arriving and to arrive with her in tow too? It just wasn’t a good idea.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I agreed and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. My face was typically a passive mask, so this took a lot of effort for me. She slapped my shoulder and quickly turned on her heel, obviously wanting to detour around the street so she wouldn’t be spotted.

“See you tomorrow!” She called, her spiky black hair, fought poorly into a bun, bobbed as she retreated.

I slowly walked up to the house; my eyes trained on the two men. My father spotted me first and I watched his face slacken but the way Hizashi’s shoulders relaxed indicated he’d heard my approach long ago.

“Evening, dad.” I greeted him and when the younger man’s pearly eyes turned to meet mine, I nodded at him as well, “Hizashi.”

“Kiyoko…” My father returned and he trailed off. That’s when I noticed how intently he was staring at me - his eyes filled with guilt? What did my father have to be guilty about? “We need to speak inside.”

“Naturally,” I quipped, indigo eyes sliding between the two men, “most people don’t have conversations on front stoops.”

My father had the sense to look embarrassed before he reached behind him and opened the door, letting myself and Hizashi in. There was a tension between them that was so thick I could’ve cut it with a knife, and I swallowed in discomfort. I entered first, Hizashi behind me and my father followed slowly after us, clearly struggling with the urge to slam the door. When we entered the house, we were greeted with our dated kitchen and a round, four person table. I slid off my shoes and moved towards the counter intent on doing what my mother had always taught me to do when we had guests. Make tea.

My mother was nowhere to be seen but that wasn’t unusual. She had taken a job helping manufacture kunai at the village smithy, so she was often home late in the night. The war had only been going on for four months but already our lives had been drastically altered by it.

“Hizashi, tea?” I didn’t bother to ask my father because he always wanted tea but I wasn’t sure how long the Hyuuga man would be staying.

“Thank you, Kiyoko, but I won’t be staying long.” The man’s collected voice came from behind me.

I heard my father’s mismatched gait as he limped towards the table and lowered himself down into a seat, Hizashi soon joining him. My father had been injured on a mission a few weeks ago, his age finally getting the best of him and causing him to make a crucial mistake. Thankfully no one had died but my father had admitted his leg would never be the same. He no longer had full use of it. I knew in my heart what that meant.

Kigo Shiranui would no longer be able to take missions but with martial law in effect he was not able to retire either, so it was up to my mother and I to support our family. It would be easier if martial law didn’t also mean that most of our work for the village was voluntary.

During wars, the village operated on a stipend system - everyone no matter how much they worked received the same amount every month if they worked. By using a stipend system, the village was able to have the largest workforce possible while not having to pay anyone a regular wage.

This had not been an issue during the First Shinobi World War nor the Second due to the fact that they had each barely lasted a couple of months. They had been quick and violent wars that the economy had easily recovered from.

But with the Third War already four months long, with no sign of slowing down, there was whispers that it might last years. Like the conflicts during the Warring States Era.

What would happen to us if that were the case?

All I knew was that we would struggle, likely for the rest of the war, unless there was a miracle and Shuro or Tomoe came back to help support us. I didn’t bother thinking Fugo would come back. There was no chance of that.

I knew my father had attempted to reach out to Tomoe when he’d gotten out of the hospital, but he’d been ignored. Shuro, on the other hand, my father couldn’t even find and when he spoke to Lord Hokage about finding him he had been dismissed. All Lord Third said was that Shuro had gone away on an important mission and was unlikely to be back anytime soon - he would be gone for years if all went well. On one hand, it was nice to know Shuro was alive, but he wouldn’t be returning to help us either.

Once the tea was done, I brought two cups and the pot with me to the table. Gently pouring one for my father and myself. The three of us lapsed into awkward silence for a few minutes as my father and I blew on our tea. It was only after we took our first sips that my father began.

“Kiyoko, you know that we will soon be destitute.” It was just like my father to say terrible things bluntly and I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved by his honesty or concerned. I didn’t say anything, just sipped my tea and closed my eyes. I knew it just as plainly as I knew the sky was blue, but it was hard to hear my father say it.

I nodded to show him that I understood though I did my best to keep my expression level.

“I failed as a father.” He stated, his voice level despite his self-deprecating words, “I didn’t keep my sons close enough and they abandoned me when I needed them most. We could’ve been a clan by now, made stronger by hardships since we would be there to support one another. Instead we are tatters of what was once a family cast to the wind. You’re the only one I have left...and you suffer for it.”

I opened my eyes and looked at my father, fighting a frown the entire time. I never considered myself to be suffering because of my sibling’s absence. A little lonely perhaps, overworked maybe, but not _suffering_. Even that was only because of the war - without the war my father would be entitled to a pension and I would be entitled to pay that was equivalent to my work.

“You didn’t fail, and I don’t suffer.” I argued, pursing my lips in his direction to show I was displeased. “My brothers are grown men who chose their paths - it has little to do with you.”

I chose to stay after all and that had to demonstrate quite thoroughly that family loyalty was a _choice_. A choice my brothers didn’t make, and one Atsuko didn’t live long enough to make. Perhaps the way my father raised us wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t deserve to be abandoned the way he had been. It wasn’t as if he didn’t love us.

My father didn’t bother to continue fighting with me and sipped at his tea, his eyes moving to look at the Hyuuga branch clan leader.

“Your parents will stand a better chance of surviving this war without you in the household.” Hizashi told me as if he was commenting on the weather and I took exception to the way he said it. “Your stipend isn’t enough to contribute to the extra costs you living here incurs.”

I wasn’t entirely sure why, but I felt offended and put my teacup down. He wasn’t wrong but I didn’t like hearing it. Without my father’s jonin pay, my mother’s stipends barely covered the cost of the house let alone food and other necessities - like the pain medication my father now needed for his leg. My presence was almost more of a hindrance when you considered that even the meager amount of food I ate...would soon be too much.

“How is that any of your business, Hizashi?” I questioned, directing my glare at the wooden surface of the table.

“That’s exactly what your father said earlier.” He commented lightly and I was forced to look up.

“And what did you tell him?”

“I told him it was my business because I have a solution.” He said intently, staring firmly into my eyes.

“What would that be?” I was genuinely curious. I’d thought about this issue several times ever since my father had been hurt and I’d never managed to come up with a solution.

“I’m going to take you into the Hyuuga branch clan.” Hizashi informed me and seeing my confused look, continued, “It’s the least I could do for Shuro’s family.”

There had to be more to it than that. It seemed too good to be true and nothing Hizashi said would get animosity from my father - it sounded like a gift. I could go live with the Hyuuga clan and since the clan had more than enough wealth to support an extra mouth my stipend could still go to my parents. They would have the benefits of me living with them without any of the drawbacks. We weren’t far from the Imai District either, so I could even still come to help my mother with her chores after work.

“Is it that easy?” I started, a little hesitant at the offer. It was just too good. “Can people just...join the clan?”

My father fidgeted and the tension that had been slowly dissipating returned.

“No, they can’t.” Hizashi admitted and for the first time I saw him become unsure of himself, his brow coming together tightly.

“So how-?”

“You would have to marry Hizashi.” My father interrupted me, clearly tired of the conversation's slow pace.

Marry...Hizashi…?

_Hizashi?_

I couldn’t help the startled look that crossed my face as I snapped my eyes to look at Hizashi’s face. Trying to figure out where his mind was - our age gap was significant enough that I was concerned. I was fourteen and he was nineteen. I wouldn’t be an adult for another two years so while child marriages weren’t unheard of, especially with clans, it would be frowned upon.

Frowned upon mostly because not only was I underage but Hizashi had known me in my childhood. Marrying complete strangers when one was under sixteen was still bad but less...creepy. At least then you knew for sure that the older of the two hadn’t been planning it for years, grooming the younger into their ideal object of desire.

My mind suddenly flashing through every memory I had ever had of him, trying to figure out if there was even one instance where he had been _too_ friendly. He and his brother had been kind to me, on the rare occasions we interacted, but he had never purposefully seeked me out nor had he ever touched me inappropriately.

I searched for a long time for anything nefarious that indicated he’d planned this and I found none.

Even now his look was sincere, holding only an offer of help and friendship behind his typical stony expression. He really was doing this for Shuro and he’d settled on marriage because it was the only thing he _could_ do. He couldn’t just give us money because his wealth belonged to the clan and in troubled times, they probably wouldn’t have allowed an act of charity. Not to a random family anyway. The soft-hearted Hiashi had probably already tried that request and been shot down.

So, instead, Hizashi was offering to bring me into the clan the only way he could. Marriage.

“People will talk.” My father began, his face going slightly red as he suppressed his outrage at the topic.

“I know which is why when Hiashi thought of it...I offered to do it instead.” Hizashi told my father, “Fewer people care about the scandals of the branch clan and I have more freedom over who I can marry. Already, Hiashi is being pressured to have an heir but I have been forgotten. Soon, as the war rages on, this unorthodox marriage will be forgotten as well. Our lives will be peaceful, Kigo, I can promise that.”

I didn’t like that Hizashi was talking as if I had already agreed to marry him but even that thought gave me pause. Marrying Hizashi would, ultimately, be best and there wasn’t much I could do to argue that. He painted a pretty picture.

I would live well, surrounded by a clan to keep me fed who expected nothing from me except the occasional domestic chore. Maybe they would even accept me as family in their hearts. We would not be scrutinized, at least not after the shock of our marriage had worn off, and I would live out my days how I pleased.

Most importantly, by allowing myself to be absorbed into the Hyuuga clan my parents would have a better life.

“You’re sure you won’t be pressured for an heir?” My father interrogated the other man, “I won’t have my daughter touched by you or anyone before her sixteenth birthday.”

I fought the blush that was rising to my cheeks while the two men talked about me...having sex...with Hizashi. My stomach was queasy at the very thought of having intercourse with anyone, let alone Hizashi. The thought that the reason for it would be because he needed an heir just made it all worse. I really was not ready to have a child of my own anytime soon.

“I am forbidden to have children before my brother, as he is the future head of the main branch, and he is far from marriage right now. He does not wish to be rushed in choosing his future bride and my father has given him that freedom; though since the war has started, I’m sure he regrets that decision.”

“You’re _sure_.” My father emphasized, his eyes intense.

“Yes, Kigo, I’m certain. Hiashi and I would not have considered this offer otherwise.” Hizashi responded, his voice steady further proving his point.

“What about when you _do_ need an heir?” My father snapped, his tone not hiding his displeasure at the thought that I might be forced to have children. I stayed silent but I was also wondering. Hizashi was willing to enter a loveless marriage with me and, when it was appropriate, have children with me. However, the power to refuse would always be in my hands because I knew he would never lay a hand on me against my will.

“That will always be Kiyoko’s decision.” Hizashi started, pearly eyes moving to meet mine, “You will live in comfort all your life regardless, I swear.”

“As is this.” My father finally seemed to remember I was there and turned in his seat slightly so he could get a more direct look at me, “Kiyoko - you _can_ say no.”

I could say no but we both knew I wouldn’t because saying yes was practical.


	2. PART II

**Civil Affairs Narutoverse - <>\- The World Where Neji Lived -<>\- PART I I**

I married Hizashi Hyuuga on October 27th, 1444 in a traditional ceremony.

Since it wasn’t a marriage of the main family, few people who weren’t immediate family came but that didn’t mean the event wasn’t busy. There were still decent sized processions from the main and branch clan who filled most of the seats. The ‘smaller’ size of the event didn’t stop the clan from spending more money than they probably should have either.

I had a beautiful wedding and it was even in the autumn like I had always thought would be nice. My shiromuku had been made of only the finest, pure white fabric - it was so heavy I could barely move in it which forced Hizashi to lead me around for most of the day. It was considered polite in the Hyuuga Clan for me to meet with all guests personally, but my kimono was so heavy Hizashi finally deposit me at a table and brought people to greet me instead.

I was worried the Hyuuga would think I was rude, but three old women – at different times - winked at me and told me that _they_ couldn’t stand at _their_ wedding either. Apparently torturing the bride in the world’s heaviest shiromuku was a Hyuuga tradition and watching the bride struggle through her wedding day brought them mirth. I never would’ve thought the stiff clan would have a mischievous side, but they did - it just came out strangely. One of the older women assured me the clan members understood because they had all been there.

My father and mother were there - my mother not bothering to hide her displeasure at the marriage despite the beautiful ceremony. Though she was from a different era, where arranged marriages were common, my parents had been a love match and the idea of me marrying for convenience rather than love had upset her. My family stood out amongst the sea of opalescent eyes and white robes - one of the Hyuuga clan’s signature colours. My mother’s finest blue kimono looked almost shabby in the crowd of flowing white.

Hizashi’s father came, though his sickly mother was notably absent, as did his brother. Hizashi’s father had scowled most of the time but I had a feeling it didn’t have anything to do with my age or the arrangement. From watching his terse interactions with the twins throughout the celebration I had a feeling he was just upset that Hiashi was not marrying first. I imagine the twins hadn’t explained their true intentions to him, so he had drawn the conclusion that this marriage, though strange in current times, was genuine. I supposed that made sense, since Hizashi and Hiashi’s father came from a time when child marriages were common among the clans. The Hyuuga and Uchiha clan had been particularly known for marrying children together at around fourteen during the Warring States Era.

I had invited Yuzuha and she had arrived with her parents and brother, Shikaku, in tow who said little but were very polite. I had explained to my friend in detail what had transpired between Hizashi, my father and myself just days after it had happened. While she hadn’t been pleased, she had understood my reasoning and had decided to be supportive. Of those in attendance, they were some of the only ones who didn’t whisper about the strangeness of the match or what Hizashi’s intentions might have been. Perhaps because Yuzuha had filled them in prior to coming or perhaps because they weren’t the sorts to gossip. Like my parents the Nara head family stood out, but they didn’t seem to mind, and I was grateful for Yuzuha’s support even if I was so busy I barely got the chance to speak with her. 

When the wedding ended my married life as Lady Kiyoko Hyuuga began and I was ill prepared for it. The Hyuuga Clan, specifically the branch clan, had many rules I had to follow. I had to learn all the faces of the main clan members and I needed to learn them so I didn’t talk back to a main member. Despite sharing the same blood and kekkei genkai the main clan members were considered better than the branch so they were to be treated as such. I learned quickly that my clan duties consisted of caring for Hizashi’s mother and serving the main branch - though that was more metaphorical then literal. I didn’t have to cook, clean or serve tea but they expected me to demonstrate unwavering loyalty and compliance at all times.

Those things were piled on top of all the lessons on etiquette I needed to complete.

I was a quiet person by nature so most of the etiquette was easy to learn - considering most of it was basically staying quiet in various ways depending on the situation. I had a harder time with the fact that I would need to wear traditional clothing while at home. Hizashi had the older women of the branch clan prepare me a wardrobe of yukata and kimono to wear at home but I wasn’t used to traditional clothing. I had almost never worn either type of robe before so learning to wear them all the time, when I wasn’t at work, had been an adjustment.

Even though I was only the ‘Lady’ of the Hyuuga Branch Clan I still had servants who kept our house tidy and made our meals so for the most part I had little to do. Hizashi’s father had tried to convince him to have me quit my job working for the CAO, but I was planning on giving my stipend to my parents, so I couldn’t give it up. I didn’t really want to either - I liked my job and I suspected I would try to keep doing it even after the war was over.

Thankfully, Hizashi wasn’t easily bullied by his father and insisted that I would be allowed to work as long as I wanted to. Whether this was because he genuinely believed that or because he wanted to make sure our plan to support my family went smoothly, I wasn’t entirely sure. Eventually I decided it was a little bit of both.

Hizashi and I slept in the same bed as was custom with their family, but it was a large bed that gave us plenty of space. Even so, the first few weeks we spent together in that bed were sleepless as both of us were weary of touching the other person in our sleep. I had eventually gotten used to the arrangement, my need for consistent sleep winning over my reservations, and once I had started sleeping properly so did Hizashi.

Once or twice we would wake up a little too close for comfort but the contact was innocent so we would move apart like nothing had happened. I learned that Hizashi had a habit of shifting so his head would bury into my back when he was in a particularly deep sleep. What I did in my sleep I didn’t know but I imagined I had at least one similar habit.

It didn’t take long for Hizashi to become my friend. I learned quickly that he would always be there for me not just because he was my husband but because that was his personality. Once he chose someone or something to be loyal to, he was fiercely so.

The first five years of our marriage passed by platonically enough until one day, when I was nineteen years old, I realized that I loved him.

It was Winter 1449 and I was sitting in bed reading a book, vaguely wondering when Hizashi would finish his meeting, when the realization hit me. It had started slowly…with me wondering why I wanted Hizashi home so badly. Why was I craving his company more than I craved anyone else's? I tried to dismiss it and told myself that it was only because over the years he had become my closest friend. Closer than even Yuzuha.

I was deep in thought, so I was startled when the door to our bedroom opened and Hizashi entered, greeting me absently as he located his sleeping robes. I watched him change over the top of my book, still contemplating the question. Throughout the last year we had started crossing some of our previously set boundaries regarding modesty and changing in front of one another. It was nothing too shameless - we still maintained our underclothes - but after five years we’d finally grown tired of dodging between rooms to change.

Involuntarily, my eyes traced the muscles of his back and against my nature I felt heat rise to my cheeks. I looked back to the pages of my book, though I couldn’t focus on what it said, and didn’t look up until I felt the bed shift next to me. I glanced over at the now fully clothed Hizashi, who was propping up some pillows so he could also read before bed. When he was satisfied, he reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his most recent book - a book on political strategy from The Warring States era written by Madara Uchiha of all people.

Despite myself, I stared at his face intently, taking in his handsome features and passive expression. He acted like he didn’t know I was staring but I was smart enough to know better - he had felt me shift and he knew my eyes were on him. My eyes went up to the mark on his forehead. It had taken him years to show it to me, even after we’d established a solid friendship, but he’d eventually showed me the Caged Bird Seal and explained it to me. It was a horrid thing - it was twisted and ugly no matter how beautiful the curving brushstrokes looked.

Yet even with that cursed mark...he was still handsome.

I knew I didn’t have much longer before he called me out on my staring, so I decided to say something.

“How was your day?” I questioned quietly, genuinely interested. I found lately I was always wondering how Hizashi was feeling and how his day was going.

“Good enough.” He responded simply, somehow still managing to read. His eyes were still moving back and forth across the page, indicating he wasn’t just faking it - I admired his concentration and ability to multitask. I certainly couldn’t do that.

“…and your meeting with Hiashi and your father?” I added to my original inquiry. The twins’ father was getting more irritable over the last couple years and we were partly to blame. Hizashi had been right and people hadn’t gossiped about our marriage for long - the last three years had been peaceful. In fact, there were those in the clan who even seemed to envy the match and whispers had emerged that it was the first step in a plan Hizashi had to take clan leadership from his brother.

This was, of course, ridiculous but I did understand where it came from. From the outside looking in, Hizashi’s marriage appeared to be well balanced while his brother, Hiashi, had yet to even choose a bride. Between the two brothers, he was coming across like the stronger leader who was more concerned about the future of the clan.

The war was still ongoing as well which only added to the tension - what would happen if Hiashi died without an heir? Didn’t he realize how important his line of succession was?

This question did cause Hizashi to pause and he closed his book, placing it in his lap. He didn’t look at me. Instead he just stared straight ahead at the door that led out into our garden with his typical stoney mask in place.

“He once more forbade me to have children and threatened to arrange a marriage for Hiashi. I was, of course, happy to remind him that he’d agreed Hiashi was welcome to take his time in finding a bride.” The only indication that Hizashi was upset was the brief twitch to the corner of his mouth as he fought a frown. Hizashi didn’t like it when his father tried to bully Hiashi who was, by far, the more soft-hearted of the two.

“Was that all it was about?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow. The meeting had been over two hours long, so it was unlikely that was all they’d discussed.

“No, some trade discussion and general inquiries but he squeezed that topic in whenever he could. Right in front of all the elders too. It was embarrassing.” His tone sounded like he was more annoyed than embarrassed. Hizashi’s father was terrified that we would have a child before Hiashi, which was outside the regular order of the clan. Traditionally, our child was to serve Hiashi’s child...and that meant we could only have that child after Hiashi had his. Our child was literally supposed to be born _for_ the main clan’s heir.

It never sat right with me - how both Hizashi and Hiashi had to govern their lives based around tradition. Even down to the timing of their children’s births.

When it appeared, I didn’t have anything to add he went back to reading.

There wasn’t any gradual thought process that led to the realization. It just hit me like a cold bucket of water had been dumped over my head. I loved him. 

“Hizashi,” I started slowly, and I heard him grumble in acknowledgement, “how do you feel about me?”

I wasn’t sure what about the way I’d said it caused him to startle but it happened. I’d expected him to continue reading while I talked, like he always did, but the question made him stop. Once more the book was in his lap except now, he’d turned his head away from me instead of staring straight ahead.

“What do you mean?” He questioned evenly and I tried to lean so I could see his face. I was unsuccessful.

“I just want to know how you feel about me.” I admitted simply, shrugging even though I knew he wasn’t looking at me. “Because I think I love you.”

I heard him choke, which was uncharacteristic for Hizashi who was usually so calm and collected. I felt my heart sink to my stomach as I heard the sound which I had decided was a sound of disgust. What a mess. I wasn’t the loving type, but I had to fall in love with someone who wouldn’t love me back. I suppose that was what I got for entering a marriage of convenience in the first place - I was never _supposed_ to love. That was the choice I had made.

I finally placed my book on my side table and decided that the conversation was done. We were married so there was no point in me keeping it a secret and I didn’t need to be ashamed...but at the same time I didn’t want to drag this out. I had my answer.

I was about to say good night and retreat into sleep to lick my wounds when I heard Hizashi say something. It was mumbled, I couldn’t make it out, and it wasn’t until he repeated it that I paused.

“...shouldn’t.” He had said something else too but all I could make out was that word. _Shouldn’t._ He’d said it just loud enough for me to hear and he finally turned to look at me, his brows drawn together.

“I love you too...and I shouldn’t.” He repeated but this time I could make it all out. A scarlet blush bloomed across my face as I stared back at him, shocked.

“What do you mean?” I asked quietly, wondering what he had meant by ‘shouldn’t’.

He fixed me with a level stare.

“I noticed a year ago, but I told myself that I could never let anyone know. I _shouldn’t_ love you...it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right because of how I’d met you when you were a child and the way this marriage had been forced upon you by this cursed _war_.” He practically spit the word and I knew exactly how he felt, though I hadn’t seen the horrors he had. The Third Shinobi World War had shaped our entire lives and taken what little was left of our youth - our entire generation was scarred by it in one way or another.

I understood his reservations.

“Where do we go from here?” I asked after a long pause, still marveling in the fact that he loved me back but realizing I didn’t know what to do with that information. I watched as a mocking smile slowly slipped onto his face and he brought a hand up to hold his forehead.

“Where, indeed.”

XxX

My marriage quickly took on a different tone after we had confessed our love for one another. Suddenly what had once been a marriage only in name was one in practice. It had started with the innocent variety of intimate touches - hand holding, cheek caresses and gentle hugs before bed.

We kissed for the first time a few weeks after our discussion and Hizashi seemed to decide it was his favourite thing to do. Specifically, it became a hobby of his to steal them in places that were inappropriate - like out in the garden or on the way to the market where we could be spotted by our family.

Thankfully, the only one who ever seemed to catch us was Hiashi and he would send Hizashi a pointed look before leaving. Despite the fact we were married the Hyuuga were strict about how affection could be displayed in public. No one was ever to see a husband and wife do anything other than gently hold one another’s hands but Hizashi acted like the rule didn’t apply to him.

Within a few months, despite the significant risk involved, we had sex for the first time...and I decided _that_ was _my_ favourite thing. It wasn’t as often as I would like, because Hizashi was often away and the risk of me getting pregnant was substantial, but it was still my favourite nonetheless.

I didn’t consider myself a passionate person but sex with Hizashi had lit a fire in my soul that could only be expressed through it.mn

Despite the ongoing war, in 1450 Lord Third retired and we continued the war under Lord Fourth - Minato Namikaze. I didn’t know anything about him, in fact I’d never even seen him in passing, but Hizashi knew him and said he wasn’t surprised he’d been chosen. He seemed even a little bit happy that the other man had become Hokage and when he spoke of him, he had clear admiration.

Before I knew it, Hizashi and I had been married eight years.

My father died in the spring of 1452, which left my mother alone and sickly. Something about the heat and the fumes of the village smithy had altered her health significantly over the last few years. Hizashi was able to appeal to his father to allow her to move into our estate in the Hyuuga Branch Clan so that she could be properly cared for.

This ended up being an even better decision than anticipated. Within days she had easily befriended Hizashi’s equally sickly mother and the two would often spend their days together, chasing away each other's loneliness and cloud watching on the veranda. I had cared for the twins’ mother throughout our marriage, it had been one of my few clan duties, and I was happy to see that she finally had a companion. I was convinced that loneliness only contributed to her poor health though when I had mentioned it to Hizashi’s father, suggesting we get her a pet or someone to come sit with her, I had been dismissed.

In autumn of that same year...the leaders of the Hidden Villages involved in the war agreed to a temporary truce to give their people a break for the first time in eight years. All the Kage met and swore on various religious symbols that it would be a time of peace for one month - October 1452. I had been sad that my father had not lived to see the truce, but he had lived a good life, even despite the war and his misgivings about his sons.

The entire world stopped in October - no missions, no heavy work, no mandatory duties besides guarding the village gates. Every day was a new festival or a new activity as trade began to resume at an accelerated pace. It could never make up for all the lost time in one month, but the various traders tried. Hizashi and I spent half of the month just hauled up in our home with Hiashi, celebrating in our own way. Mostly we just indulged in things that we hadn’t eaten in eight years.

I naughtily joked that the village was about to see the biggest baby boom it had ever seen considering all the free time that October 1452 had brought the ninja of the village.

Hizashi and I were one of those couples who benefited from the free time. For the first time in our entire marriage Hizashi had time to himself and when it wasn’t spent with his brother, it was spent in bed with me. Despite being normally amongst the village’s more level-headed the two of us were carried away by the feeling of jubilation that swept the village. We didn’t care to think about the things we normally would...like the consequences of frequent and passionate sex.

Come November the war resumed but now that people had experienced a world without it, even briefly, it was more subdued. The war became less of a constant battle. It was more about watching and waiting. Gradually, hidden villages began to withdraw from the war, opting for surrender over continuing the battle much longer. Kumogakure, Kusagakure and Konohagakure were among those who refused to concede.

I denied I was pregnant for a long time after I found out - I could already imagine how angry Hizashi’s father would be and I felt guilty. Hizashi would be the one who would have to endure his father’s wrath not me and so I put it off, probably longer than I should have. Much longer than I should have considering Hizashi had found out on his own.

I had been a coward and when I had started gaining weight, I had started visibly eating more hoping that the clan would just think I was getting fat. I knew I couldn’t hide it for long though – my frame was small, and my weight gain wasn’t shaped like normal fat. It was shaped like a baby bump.

I still remember how I had been tidying our bedroom, folding my clothes, and thinking about anything but the fact that I was pregnant. It wasn’t the joyous occasion to me that it should have been, and I had spent most of the week wondering over what I should do.

So now, tired of doing that, I was humming to myself and thinking about how nice it would be to make new yukata for our mothers. I wasn’t overly skilled at it, but I knew that with enough hard work it would turn out well and they would appreciate it.

I had just started ironing one of Hizashi’s yukatas when he burst in through the garden door, eyes fixed on me intently. The veins were bulging around his eyes and I realized he was using the Byakugan. Despite living amongst the clan for over eight years I had rarely seen the clan’s kekkei genkai activated - amongst the clan’s many rules was one that stated activating it outside of training was rather rude and to be avoided.

I was surprised that Hizashi was using it so openly.

“When were you going to tell me?” He questioned firmly and it took me a long moment to realize what he was referring to.

He was supposed to be in the garden with Hiashi but the two of them must have gotten into a tussle - that wasn’t altogether uncommon with the two of them. They would often strike at each other in the most inappropriate places, usually not stopping until their father caught and scolded them. I would never say it out loud, but they reminded me a bit of play-fighting cats.

He must’ve caught sight of me from outside when his byakugan was activated...he must’ve seen the baby. I couldn’t pretend to understand the byakugan but from what little I did know, they could see chakra networks, and the baby must’ve had one. Since Hizashi knew where I was it would have stood out to him that there were two chakra networks in our room...and only one person.

“I don’t know.” I replied levelly, refusing to be intimidated by the tension rolling off him in waves. I realized then that Hiashi had followed his brother into our home and was lurking behind him in the doorframe. His byakugan was deactivated and he was shifting from foot to foot with an unreadable expression on his face, likely considering the fallout this would have for him.

Hizashi refused to speak with me for a week and I refused to give in to his pouting - our household was a noticeably quiet place.

He was scolded by his father for not upholding tradition, as if he had gotten me pregnant on purpose, and he had taken it silently. Hiashi hadn’t spoken to either of us for several days though I didn’t sense any anger from him. He was a kind man and I suspect he was just buried deep in his own thoughts and mixed emotions. It was a lot to take in for all of us.

Unable to fight his father any longer, now that he wasn’t going to father the first child of the next generation, Hiashi had gotten married to a girl from the clan within a few months. I had never met her. I didn’t even know her name but Hizashi claimed she was nice enough...just not someone that Hiashi loved.

I knew that there was hope for them. They would probably come to love one another as the years passed like Hizashi and I had done but I would always live with the guilt that my pregnancy had forced Hiashi’s hand.


	3. PART III

**Civil Affairs Narutoverse - <>\- The World Where Neji Lived -<>\- PART III**

Neji was born July 3rd, 1453. Hizashi had been elated when we got our first real look at our son, after he’d stopped being so pink and started to look more like an actual tiny human. He had Hizashi’s dark hair and byakugan, but his facial features...they were all mine.

My son had my face; my sharp nose, chin, and cheekbones. I thought he would curse me for it when he got older, when his skin remained fair and features didn’t grow coarse, but Hizashi explained to me that boys always looked like their mothers. He told me that was one of the best things about having a boy. Somehow, I didn’t think my son would feel the same way, at least not until he had children of his own with a woman he loved.

Hizashi loved being a father. A day didn’t pass by without him making time to walk his son around the compound and the village, showing him off to anyone who would look. When Neji was seven months old he started walking and became a menace who had to be closely supervised - not that his father minded. I, on the other hand, found his newfound ability exhausting and left Hizashi to chase him around most of the time.

Neji’s first year of life was a blissful one within our house but was stressful within the Hyuuga Clan. While Neji was loved deeply by his father and uncle, his grandfather refused to acknowledge him until Hiashi had an heir.

Hizashi and his father had never gotten along well but the elder’s refusal to accept his own grandson tore a deeper rift between them. It didn’t help matters that Hiashi was struggling to conceive with his new wife and without news of a pregnancy by Neji’s first birthday there were once again whispers amongst the clan.

Those of the branch clan who were dissatisfied with the way the Hyuuga Clan was run conspired that the younger twin was more suited to the position as clan head. That his marriage and Neji’s birth made him more of a leader then his brother. They talked about Hizashi becoming the main clan head like it was something he was considering and that only deepened the tension between father and son. Hizashi’s father became worried that he would attempt to usurp his brother despite Hizashi explaining that he had no ambitions to change his position.

Thankfully, if Hiashi heard these speculations he gave no indication of it and he treated his brother the same way he always had. At least for a little while.

Physically having a child had been easy but everything that came after was difficult for me.

While Hizashi excelled in his role as a father, I struggled to be a proper mother. I wasn’t nurturing by any stretch of the imagination and no amount of practice seemed to improve on that. I wasn’t sure I knew _how_ to nurture a child.

I realized quickly from watching others that I didn’t treat Neji the same way they treated their children and I always felt a wrongness in the way I did things. I didn’t dote on him the same way a mother should or pick him up when he fell, fussing over him the entire time. Instead, I told him that falling was part of life and he needed to get up - though I always made sure he wasn’t hurt.

I don’t think Neji knew that I was clueless and insecure: I would learn later that my distance affected him, but I don’t believe he ever really understood _why_ I was. Not until he was much older at least.

When he was small, unaware that I was weakening our relationship, I tried to hide my incompetence beneath my professional life.

I was promoted to Department Head of Registrations in early 1454 and I used my heavier workload to escape my role as a mother and clan politics. I loved Neji, very deeply, but I wasn’t good at being a mother like I was good at working for the village. Naturally, I only wanted to do something that I was good at. Even when Hiashi’s wife became pregnant and the tension with the clan eased, I still found ways to stay at the Civil Affairs Office longer and bury myself in paperwork.

On October 10th, 1454, the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked the village, and it was sealed away by Lord Fourth who died in the process.

The village mourned for nearly three months before Lord Third was re-appointed to head the village by the Elder Council. It was during this mourning period, on December 27th, that my niece Hinata was born. I was overjoyed by her birth at first because it meant that Neji’s grandfather would finally acknowledge him but that soon turned to fear when I remembered the Caged Bird Seal and what this would mean for Neji.

I didn’t eat for a week after Hinata was born. 

It wasn’t some purposeful protest, but I simply couldn’t find it in me to stomach anything at the thought of what would soon happen to my son. My fast only ended because Hizashi’s father came to me and told me that he would not place the seal on Neji for some time. Lady Hinata would not need him to serve her until she was old enough to begin her training as a byakugan user and therefore the seal would not be required. Hearing the old man tell me that directly brought me only the smallest amount of relief...but it was still relief.

Neji had time. Not a lot of it.

Nothing much happened in the three years following Hinata’s birth.

My mother passed away, leaving Hizashi’s mother alone again though when I visited her, she claimed that my mother had left her with enough good memories to last for the rest of her days. Her mind was starting to go, and she was in such a way that she didn’t ever recognize Hiashi’s wife nor Hinata when they came to her.

Somehow, she remembered me, my mother, and Neji. I would bring him with me often when I was tasked to care for her though I had not expected her to _know_ him. Honestly, it was more out of convenience and pity that I brought him to spend time with her, but it ended up being a good decision – she gave him the affection I struggled with. She was the only one in the family who would ever ask to see him, despite how confused she typically was. When I brought him, she would sit peacefully with him, stroke his hair, and watch the birds. Neji developed a fascination with birds, I imagine because he associated them with his grandmother, and as he got older, he became knowledgeable on them. Bird watching was a favourite hobby of his.

He was a sweet child, Neji, and I had no idea where he got it from.

Between my distance and Hizashi’s bitterness, which was growing worse with each year as Neji got closer to his sealing, there wasn’t much positivity to inherit.

More for mine and Hizashi’s benefit I had kept Neji away from Hinata. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t stomach the sight of them playing together or even speaking. It wasn’t the girl’s fault. None of this could _ever_ be her fault: she was a child, as innocent in all this as Neji was. Yet, despite all rational reasoning, I was terrified the interaction could cause me to foster a hatred for the girl. If I kept Neji away from her, then _I_ could stay away from her and I wouldn’t have to worry about these foreign, rotten feelings that were festering inside me. I hid them with my usual passive mask, but they were there, and I had no idea how to be rid of them.

I usually could gain strength from Hizashi’s own cold exterior but that was no longer the case. His bitterness used to be well disguised but as the children got older it became apparent, he was slipping.

If the world had been just a little different, if Hizashi had been born just a little earlier, our Neji would never have to endure the Caged Bird Seal. This bitterness only grew worse as we both began to realize how talented Neji would be as a ninja. Even as a toddler, he grew quickly and more than once I caught Hizashi scrutinizing his son’s de-activated eyes like he was critiquing a work of fine art.

Even Hiashi had commented that Neji’s chakra network was reminiscent of the now extant Senju clan; he had the same powerful veins, deep pool and a few other traits that were unique to that bloodline. This small comment had caused chaos for me for a few weeks. Hizashi insisted I try and figure out if I bore any relation to the Senju, as he certainly didn’t, but with my parents dead and a surprising absence of family records there was no way to know. To appease my husband, I did attempt to contact my older brother Tomoe but my attempts were ignored.

It soon was apparent to everyone that Neji would be a key player in the future of the clan – his blood was strong and the traits it carried even stronger. Some even said he would usher in a new generation of stronger, better Hyuuga when he was eventually old enough to have children of his own.

Everywhere we turned praise was heaped upon our son…but what was there to show for it?

Our poorly concealed resentment only worsened as we realized that Lady Hinata was being revealed as weak and talentless, despite her position of privilege and her carefully cultivated bloodline. It would have been one thing if she were simply less talented then Neji or even just average… _but she was weak._

That Neji should serve Hinata felt like injustice to our family.

Though I tried to force it away the traitorous belief that Neji, who had been already proven superior to Hinata, should be the heir to the Hyuuga Clan found its way inside my heart.

Though having that belief in my heart, carefully hidden, was less dangerous then having it in Hizashi’s. More then once I had sat quietly in our room, listening to my husband seethe over our circumstance and in those moments, he could be frightening. There was a time that resentment and bitterness had been foreign to him but his love for Neji was so overwhelming that he wanted him to have what he deserved - which was not servitude to the weaker main house and the Caged Bird Seal upon his forehead.

It shocked me that Neji was raised with such humility when, in regard to him, his father and I had none.

It was painfully ironic that it was experiencing an all-consuming father’s love which took the seed of bitterness in Hizashi’s heart and bloomed it into something akin to hatred. I suppose, much like the polarization of peace and war, you could not have one without the other in some form.

He loved his brother, that much was clear, but his exceptionally talented son was banished to a lesser quality of life because of birth order. Even if Hizashi had been born a second son, just a few years after Hiashi, he would’ve been able to stay in the main clan. We would have been part of the main clan - _Neji would have been a part of the main clan_ \- and spared the curse of oppression placed on our family.

Hizashi had only been sent to the branch clan because he was Hiashi’s twin and their father had wanted to remove any possibility of competition. He needed to be banished from the line of succession so that no one could claim that the wrong twin had been chosen as the next heir. Their father had failed, since the clan had still considered Hizashi an equal candidate, but regardless my husband felt bound to his fate and the seal.

XxX

On December 27th, 1457 Lady Hinata turned three and Neji’s fate was sealed. Literally.

Neji had turned four years old earlier that year and Hizashi had spent every day since then brooding silently. As had I. Once Lady Hinata turned three she would begin her training in the clan’s techniques and Neji would be called forward to begin serving as her protector. That was what the twins’ father had decided and we could not fight it.

Hinata’s birthday was also a momentous day because an agreement had finally been reached between Kumogakure and Konohagakure, the two villages still clinging to the Third Shinobi World War. The Head Ninja of Kumogakure, the ambassador to the Raikage, had arrived in the village earlier that same week and was going to be signing a peace treaty that very day.

Thirteen years of my life had been consumed by that war and shaped who I had become. It was over. It was hard to believe after so long and the village had erupted at the news…but while the rest of the village celebrated in jubilation, the Hyuuga Clan was solemn. I should have been happy but, on the day that the war ended, all I could think about was the curse mark being placed on my son. It ate away at me like a disease.

Hizashi gave me the option to stay behind when the procession was getting ready to leave for the main clan’s estate. I considered it. Neji didn’t know, but this procession would take him to the main estate, where he would be branded as a lesser Hyuuga for the rest of his life. Did I really want to walk my son there? Did I really want to be part of this?

I bounced between going and not going several times – even as the procession began to gather in front of the estate I was still only half decided. I lurked on the veranda in my formal kimono but with my hair still down, caught between finishing getting ready and going back to my room to hide.

“Mother, are you going to come too?” It was finally Neji asking me directly, his innocent expression and tone had ultimately been what convinced me to go. In one movement I wrapped my hair around my hand and arranged it into a messy bun – pining it with a single decorative comb. It was messy and, in a few hours, it would fall out, but it was what I had time for.

Then I took Neji’s hand and walked over to join Hizashi. My husband eyed me carefully. Even my son stared up at me intently, sensing something was wrong, but I refused to meet his eyes.

The walk to the main estate had never felt so long and though I could sense Neji was uncomfortable with the way I had forcibly clenched his hand, I only held him tighter. I never held Neji’s hand and, despite how little he was, he knew that something was very wrong. My face on the other hand gave nothing away…I made sure of that. My composure was the only thing I had left.

Despite the years I’d spent agonizing over this day I had never felt anything negative about Hiashi until that moment, when I was staring him and his father down in front of the main estate, while he levelly stared back. In that moment I _hated_ Hiashi, with every fibre of my being, and I clung to Neji’s hand like my life depended on it.

“So, Lady Hinata is three years old today,” Hizashi started, his voice even stiffer than usual. There was a thick tension that resonated around the street as the two sides of the family stared one another down, “Congratulations.”

I was thankful that it was not necessary for me to say anything because I don’t think I would’ve been able to. There was a lump in my throat so large that I could barely breath around it let alone speak. I noticed that Hinata’s mother had stayed home and I wondered, again, if I should have done the same. Stayed away from this horrid business.

I felt like my son was a lamb that I was leading to slaughter.

My eyes snapped to a movement to Hiashi’s right, where his daughter was peeking out from around his robe and taking in the sight of her extended family. Right now, she and Neji were the only children around their age in the family and I had been keeping them apart. This would be the first time they would have seen other children around their age let alone one another.

She sent Neji the tiniest smile that Neji returned without hesitation. Not for the first time I wondered how he turned out so sweet with parents like us: parents who were slowly being warped by bitterness and hate when previously they’d never known such things.

He turned to his father, who was standing on his other side, and I was forced to let go of his hand as he turned to use it to whisper. I quickly folded my hands into my sleeves and cast my eyes toward the ground…almost insecure now that my son had slipped from my grasp.

I felt like I was drowning out of water, but I was determined not to let the weakness show.

“She looks nice, father.” I overheard him say to Hizashi, probably elated to finally meet his cousin and have a friend his age to play with, “Don’t you think?”

I didn’t see Hizashi’s reaction, but it must’ve been noticeable because it was enough for Neji to give a small, surprised sound.

“Mother?” Now that his question had been quietly discouraged, Neji turned to his least favourite parent for an answer. Neji usually asked his father things because his father always gave good answers whereas I, when around, was somewhat disconnected. Hizashi’s expression must truly have been something terrible for him to give up so easily and switch his inquiry to me.

However, in that moment I understood why all Hizashi could manage had been a facial expression: I remembered couldn’t speak. Eyes still focused on the ground I opened my mouth to say _‘Yes, son. Very nice.’_ but I couldn’t even manage a sound.

It took everything I had to meet my son’s pearly eyes for the first time that day and I was met with innocent confusion. I’m not sure what horrors my son saw in my eyes that day, but it must not have been good, because he recoiled slightly and reached for his father’s hand instinctively. As if seeking comfort and knowing better then to seek it from me. 

I could only pride myself on the fact that my expression had remained neutral, at least.

XxX

An anger erupted in Hizashi that I barely recognized that night.

While Neji was in bed sleeping off his tiring day I was forced to watch as my husband destroyed our garden. He started with the training dummies and poles but soon my flower beds followed, then the large fence and even the fountain. I watched him the whole time from the veranda, my hands folded neatly in my lap and my expression carefully schooled.

Inside I was both tortured and relieved.

While Neji being sealed was still a curse on our family, a horrid reality of our circumstance, there was still some relief that it was now _over_. The thing I had been dreading all these years was now over.

Just over.

Neji was sealed and there was nothing that could be done about it now. We couldn’t undo it or change it…we just had to live with it.

Clearly, Hizashi had not yet reached the threshold of acceptance like I had.

He was still raging. Raging over the unfairness of it all in private while earlier, amongst his clansmen, he had assured his son that what happened was always meant to happen. That being sealed had been Neji’s destiny and the purpose of his birth was to protect Lady Hinata.

If I had to pick a least favourite part of Hizashi’s plan that would be it; telling Neji that he was only born to serve Lady Hinata. In a strange, misguided way it made me feel insulted that my own son was being told he hadn’t been conceived in love but, rather, for a purpose. Like a tool.

I’d told Hizashi this before, but I’d been disregarded and told that the boy wouldn’t care about such things. That whether his parents loved each other would never cross Neji’s mind and therefore it wouldn’t matter. He’d made this situation sound like it was completely fair and like Neji never had a choice – as if Neji being the heir to the clan was never remotely possible or within reach.

Hizashi believed that if the boy was taught not to dwell on the missed opportunities caused by his circumstance, then he wouldn’t become weighed down with the same bitterness we were. We decided that we would do everything to pretend we were fine with this, so then Neji wouldn’t consider its wrongness, and lead a happier life as a result. The only thing worse then being sealed, in my husband’s opinion, was being sealed _and_ bitter.

He didn’t stop until the garden was destroyed and then his head snapped quickly to me, the veins bulging along his temples as he leered at me with his byakugan. He was angry at me, but I already knew he would be, so I didn’t dare act surprised. He was angry at everyone tonight, even those he would need to find a reason to be angry with, and I supposed that was his right.

“-and _you_.” I knew for a fact he hadn’t spoken until this moment, but he began as if he was in the middle of a conversation with multiple parties. Like I was standing amongst a crowd he had been screaming at and I was his next target. I imagined he probably had been imagining this entire time, working through some internal monologue while he destroyed everything in sight. Saying inside his head everything he’d wanted to say all day but couldn’t. I could see the appeal to his fantasy.

He stalked towards me and I braced myself, though not out of fear. It was true I had never seen a rage like this from him before, and there was a part of me that questioned if he would strike me, but I also knew he wouldn’t. This was still Hizashi.

“How could you let him see that?” He seethed at me and I didn’t respond – partly because I wasn’t sure what he meant and partly because I knew responding would only make it worse. He wanted me to ask what he meant. He wanted an excuse to say more, and though I was sure he was going to anyway, that didn’t mean I’d give in. “That look in your eyes was unacceptable. Disgusting. Filled with nothing but resentment.”

I let him throw the words at me like weapons and I understood what he was referencing. I had wondered about that at the time – wondering if Hizashi had seen the way I’d looked at Neji when he’d asked me if Hinata looked ‘nice’. Even I didn’t know what my eyes had shown but I knew it wasn’t good by my son’s reaction.

“We talked about this, Kiyoko.” He raged, pacing in front of where I sat, “I told you if you couldn’t handle it to stay home. I told you we were going to do our best to help Neji accept this and that-that _look_ was as far from acceptance as possible and what’s worse he didn’t understand.”

Part of me wanted to point out that he had clearly had a ‘look’ as well given Neji’s reason for addressing me in the first place, but that wouldn’t de-escalate the situation.

“Do you know what he asked me after he was sealed?”

I said nothing. Hizashi knew I didn’t know what he asked – my one saving grace had been that I wasn’t allowed inside the sealing chamber.

“He asked me if the seal was why you hated him.” That did shake me. My body jumped involuntarily, for once my passive mask shattered, and my heart leapt into my mouth in shock. Of all the things I was prepared for Hizashi to say that was not one of them. “He thinks you _hate him_ , Kiyoko. Worse, he is beginning to suspect the seal is the reason for this perceived hatred.”

I was reeling and for the first time in a very long time I felt tears begin to well up behind my eyes. My nose stung alarmingly, and my throat began to close; I was terrified by the foreign feeling. When was the last time I cried? Years; maybe even a decade or more. Had I cried when Atsuko died? I couldn’t even remember.

My own son thought I hated him…and why shouldn’t he? In hindsight I did everything to stay away from him. I had been so afraid to ruin him with my insecure parenting, lurking bitterness, and fear of the day he would be sealed. When was the last time I held him? Stroked his hair? Sat with him? Was I even a mother?

I didn’t want to cry in front of Hizashi, worried that it would make him angrier. What right, in all this, did I have to cry?

So, I said nothing, but I did rise slowly to my feet and turn back to enter our bedroom.

“I am not finished.” My husband’s stern voice followed me as I slid open the door.

“I am.” I replied numbly, acknowledging for the first time that there was no fight left in me.

I didn’t even bother to change out of my kimono, I just slipped off my socks and climbed into bed. I pulled the covers over my head, like I was a child again, and buried my face in my pillow crying as silently as I could manage. I heard nothing else from Hizashi after that, though there was a loud cracking sound that I learned the next morning had been him taking the last bit of his anger out on the veranda.

It was well into the early hours of the morning before my tears had stopped and, apparently, that was about the time that the last of Hizashi’s anger finally ebbed away. I felt the bed shift as my husband joined me and he ripped the covers from over my head abruptly. I didn’t protest as the cool night air hit my hot face, still sticky with dried tears. 

We said nothing but sometimes words aren’t needed.

He reached forward and pulled me into an embrace, so close it was as if he was trying to pull me into his soul, and buried his face in my hair.

Unspoken we agreed that we were tired.

Physically and spiritually, we were just so tired.


	4. PART IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: REALLY SAD CHAPTER. CHARACTER DEATH. KIYOKO IS A PRETTY CRAP PARENT AND IT'S CRINGEY.

**Civil Affairs Narutoverse - <>\- The World Where Neji Lived -<>\- PART IV**

With the war over and Neji sealed, I found that my resentment was steadily ebbing away. I was not happy that Neji had been sealed, but the relief I felt that night had not changed. It was over: I did not have to worry about it anymore. There was always the fear that a member of the main family could hurt Neji using the seal, but Hiashi was a good man, and I trusted him not to use such a dangerous jutsu unnecessarily. If Neji was well behaved, which he was by nature, I had to trust that things would be fine.

Hizashi’s, on the other hand, was still strong. Sometimes it could be overwhelming, and he was slipping up more around Neji as time went on. At first, he had been good at hiding it but Neji was a smart boy and he picked up on his father’s quiet discontent despite our efforts. Still, in the beginning Neji did not know what to do with this information.

Somehow, we seemed to have a raised a kind, peaceable boy who had more then his fair share of humility. Even if he could see through his father’s façade, he had no name for the raw emotions he saw there. On the rare chance he caught it, he would ask why Hizashi was so ‘angry’, but when his father had been proven to never answer he stopped.

It was relieving that, by some miracle, our son remained untainted.

Now that the looming threat of him being hurt had dissipated I found it in myself to try harder at being a mother. I still would not say I was good at it, but I tried, and I did improve. I likely still came across as cold, I did not cuddle or coddle as it was against my nature, but I did start making time for Neji everyday. The idea had been Yuzuha’s. She had told me that more then anything children valued time spent together, if it was quality, and I figured that should be doable enough.

So, I arranged it with Hizashi; no matter how much Neji trained, or where he and his father went, or how late I worked there was always to be guaranteed time for the two of us to be together. Unintentionally, this had created a clear routine to our daily lives which previously did not exist. No matter what, everyone was home by 6:30 so that we could have dinner and then Neji could have the time with his mother.

In the beginning Neji did not enjoy his time with me.

I imagine he had been so convinced that I hated him, and I had spent so little time with him, that he likely thought his father was losing his mind for forcing this on him. He was a polite boy, he never protested aloud, but he had his own ways of doing so. For the first few weeks of this arrangement, he would shoot his father a pleading look every time we would finish dinner and he realized his father expected him _yet again_ to spend the next two hours by my side.

I thought I was boring too so I could hardly blame him. I was always so unsure, so scared to say anything that would upset him, that often I never said anything at all. I would just sip tea and scramble for words that never came. I did not know the first thing about my own son or how to be a mother to him and when I asked Hizashi what he liked he was hardly any help.

He told me Neji liked training – which of course was something I could not do with him. Even if I had been a kunoichi training was something special that he shared with his father and, sometimes, his uncle.

I knew Neji liked bird watching but that was a hobby that he always did with grandmother and I would never dream of taking that from them.

What did I do with Neji before this that we could share? Well, usually I dragged him along while I did chores, or I pushed him off on his father.

We shared nothing and after nearly a month I feared we never would. Occasionally I would think of something that we could try, a craft or a game, but I would always get nervous and cancel my plan. I always told myself whatever I had thought of was a stupid idea: a boy like Neji was too intelligent for silly games. Then on the opposite spectrum, I caught myself devising plans that were _too_ mature and likely would not hold his interest. So those were scrapped as well.

All we ended up doing was sitting in awkward silence _for hours_. I figured I was, at least, teaching my son some patience which was something but that thought did not satisfy me.

Despite my failure I did not give up. My son _needed_ to know I did not hate him. My son needed to know that he was the most important thing to me in the whole world.

It turned out my saving grace had been Neji himself.

Unbeknownst to me until days after, the boy had finally outright complained to his father about the time he was forced to spend with me. I had been hurt but not surprised when Hizashi had told me this while we sat in bed together, reading our respective books like we always did. But what hurt me more then Neji’s valid complaint was the fact that while Hizashi was telling me this…he was laughing. Not a small chuckle either…hearty laughter.

“I don’t see how it’s so funny.” I told him plainly, fighting to keep the indignance and pain from my voice. Part of me wanted to cry but another part of me said that once a decade was enough – tears were useless anyway.

“Kiyoko,” Hizashi chided, his laughter subsiding and being replaced by a tender expression, “Have you considered that you’re trying too hard?”

“How?” I questioned, fighting to keep my voice it’s usual monotone, “If I’d been trying at all I wouldn’t be in this mess. My own son wouldn’t hate me.”

The corner of his lip quirked upwards in response but he quickly forced it down. He was still laughing at me and I wished he would stop.

“He doesn’t hate you. Quite the opposite, actually.” Hizashi began, looking into my eyes searchingly. I did not make it easy – I was desperately trying to look anywhere but at him as I tried to process my hurt and shame. How had I let things get so far? How had I let fear poison my relationship with my son? Even my parents, as cold and stern as they were, would be ashamed of me.

“Kiyoko,” My husband implored me, finally grabbing my shoulder to get me to look at him properly. “He loves you _so much_.”

I felt my face turn to stone at those words. How? How could he possibly love me? After how I had behaved…it was not true.

“Hizashi, you’ve never been a liar,” I began tersely, finally deciding that attempting or at least pretending to read was my best escape, “Don’t start now in some foolhardy attempt to spare my feelings. I know where I stand and it’s no less then I deserve.”

I felt his hand fall from my shoulder and decided that he was likely weighing his options. It was getting late and I did not fight often but when I did, I would go all night. My husband knew this better then anyone and he would likely decide this battle was not worth it. I did my best to focus my scrambling thoughts on the page in front of me, fixating on one line.

_The wedding was over, and the bride-people were gone, her father and herself were left to dine together, with no prospect of a third to cheer a long evening. Her father comp-_

In an instant the novel was ripped from my grasp while at the same time I felt myself pushed on my back, pinned beneath the form of my husband. I was shocked at his behaviour and a small part of me wondered whether he had decided now was the time to end our year long dry spell and what _on earth_ about that _miserable_ conversation had put him in such a mood. That thought was quickly abandoned though when a glance into his face found no playfulness but instead severity.

We had been married for a very long time now, Hizashi and I. Thirteen years. In the best and worst times of our relationship I found we barely needed words. I was being scolded, though what _exactly_ for I was not sure. I had a few guesses, of course, but as this was neither a best time nor a worst, I would need him to clarify.

“Why don’t you talk to him?” He questioned, staring searchingly into my eyes. “He says you sit there in silence.”

“I will say something wrong.” I replied simply, feeling tension slide from my body at the confession. “I don’t think I know _how_ to talk to him.”

Hizashi nodded, as if I had confirmed something he already suspected.

“You don’t need to be so cautious.” He told me calmly, “He would love to hear anything from you – anything at all. The weather, your garden, your work…anything.”

I could not fight the frown that emerged at the suggestion. I could not just talk about _anything_.

“You can.” Hizashi replied to my thoughts, and then the severity was gone and replaced by a familiar gentle smile. “Did you not realize that he hangs on your _every word_? He can recite almost everything you’ve said to him like a recording on the radio.”

I raised an eyebrow slowly in disbelief.

“It’s true.” He urged, finally moving to toss the book he had been holding this entire time gently on the ground though he did not unpin me. “Remember how you were telling me about work the other night at dinner? And you went on that tangent about how the Declarations worked? He remembered every bit of it. Word for word.”

“He’s a smart kid.” I dismissed, disappointed that had been Hizashi’s example. Neji was very smart for his age – it did not surprise me that he could recall something like that. While the procedure I had described had been a lot of information at once, it had not been a particularly complex process. It was very straightforward.

“Kiyoko…he’s still just over four.” Seeing he had not yet won me over he continued, “When I asked him about it, he had no clue what any of it _meant_ he just remembered the words because _you said it_.”

I stayed silent, contemplating this but not fully convinced.

“That’s what he said: _I remember because mother said it._ ”

I felt the dam break. I was convinced but it took me a long moment to process that information. Neji just wanted me to…talk to him? He valued what I said that much?

“All I have to do is say something?” It was not really a question for my husband, I was more just echoing my own thoughts, which was fine because he wouldn’t have answered anyway. Seemingly deciding he had won, Hizashi was taking his victory lap; he had started with my collarbone and was now using his lips to trace my jawline.

Now that we were both in a significantly better mood, ending the dry spell made a bit more sense.

Hizashi’s hands, one which was currently sliding up my thigh, agreed.

**XxX**

Hizashi had been right. I had been so blinded with worry before that I hadn’t noticed Neji clung to the rare words I gave him.

Things got better. Not perfect or even great…but better.

I wrote things down to talk about the first couple times we spent time together after that, terrified that my mind would go blank and I wouldn’t be able to think of anything. Gradually it came easier. Soon, the routine was that Neji spent his two hours a day with me sipping tea and talking. Just talking. At first, he said nothing, he would just listen to me talk to no one about nothing with rapt attention. Perhaps a ‘yes, mother’ would be thrown in where appropriate but other then that I was met with silence.

After a couple weeks though, the talking became a conversation. I suspected Hizashi had something to do with it, as he usually had something to do with everything.

The day my son and I spoke, really spoke, to one another for the first time was…amazing. I had never felt such joy over such a simple thing in my entire life. He laughed with me and smiled lightly…he had his father’s smile. Closed-lipped, gentle but sincere. So sincere.

That night when Hizashi had entered our room he had smiled at me from his place by the door.

“You’ll be happy to know you’re not boring anymore.” He had informed me, clearly just as pleased as I was with the outcome.

Over the next few months that followed, sipping tea became garden walks while holding hands and reading together on the veranda when the weather was nice. Neji was a good reader and could easily read most things himself already but I discovered the boy seemed to sincerely enjoy the sound of my voice. He’d almost begged one day to be read to. He never had to beg again: after trying it once it quickly became my favourite thing to do with him.

I started with my favourite fantasy novels from childhood and was delighted when Neji seemed to share the same enthusiasm for the creative tales.

I imagined by many standards I still came across as a cold mother.

My face was far from expressive, physical contact was unnatural to me and outside of our special time together I rarely spoke. However, for the first time since Neji was born, I really _felt_ like a mother. For once I did not feel incompetent or _awkward_ around my own son and I felt like all the love I had for him was not just received…but returned.

I still remember the first time I realized just how far I had come with Neji.

It was a Sunday, so I was not working and for once Hizashi had no tasks to complete for his family or missions. We found ourselves with a rare, priceless day of freedom from both the village and the clan. My husband had the idea to take Neji to the Hokage faces for the first time and let him see the village from the top – so I put together a lunch basket and the three of us made our way there. Hizashi could have easily made it there in minutes but we weren’t in a hurry, so the stroll took us over an hour as we stopped to look at various vendors and even a street performer who was swallowing swords.

I had forgotten how tall the mountain was, and how steep the stairs, until we were finally upon the entrance. Over the last hour my arms had steadily grown weaker and what once was a light basket had become heavy. Neji looked very excited and he quickly climbed the first three steps before stopping to already look out across the landscape, as if he were much higher then he was. A smile pulled at my lips as I took in his bright, wide eyes and his smile. A little wider then normal but still his father’s regardless.

I debated my options. I could ask Hizashi to carry the basket or I could stay at the base. I considered the height and steepness of the mountain once more, judging whether I would be successful at reaching the peak after the long walk.

“Let me carry that, Mother.” I heard Neji say and before I even looked down two little hands were already lifting the basket up and away from my arm. While I didn’t doubt my son’s strength, he was already in training to be a ninja after all, the basket was nearly half his size. I stared in a mix of bafflement and concern as I contemplated this new parenting problem that had arisen – on one hand my son was being kind and I didn’t want to discourage his kindness. On the other hand, the poor boy couldn’t see over the silly thing. He wouldn’t get to enjoy the view while we climbed if he kept holding it like that.

Hizashi, far more skilled a father then I was a mother, seemed to have already reached a solution. He wordlessly took the basket from the boy, clearly fighting an amused smile as he did so.

“How about _I_ take the basket.” It sounded like a question, but both wife and son knew it was a statement. To my surprise, Neji pouted and leaned towards his father with a beckoning hand. Still looking like he was fighting amusement, I watched as Hizashi leaned down conspiratorially towards his son’s eye level. Neji put his hand up as if to block the sound but his poorly concealed whisper left my heart aching.

“But I really wanted to help Mother.” The little boy admitted, and I did my best to pretend I had not heard while my heart thumped with happiness against my ribs.

I locked eyes with Hizashi in an instant and I am not sure what he saw on my face, but it gave him pause. I quickly looked away in a poor attempt at pretending I had not heard why my son said. Pretending that my chest wasn’t clenching, and I didn’t suddenly feel like I had indigestion.

I loved my son. I loved him more then life itself.

In my distraction, I had missed something, and I was brought back to my senses by the feeling of a small hand sliding into my own.

“Come on, Mother.” My son’s soft voice accompanied the contact, “We can reach the peak together.”

I almost wanted to weep with happiness at his simple words.

Almost.

**XxX**

My new relationship with my son temporarily blinded me from the terrible realities of life in the Hyuuga Branch clan. I would even go so far as to say that I had been so focused on fixing my relationship with my son that I had forgotten about clan politics and Caged Bird Seal altogether.

That had been a mistake.

My head had snapped around at the sudden sound of the door smacking open – I had been ready to either scold Hizashi or keep silent depending on his mood but was not prepared for the sight that met me. My husband was hunched over painfully in the doorway, his brow covered with sweat and his eyes glassy. His teeth were clenched together in a snarl of pain the likes of which I had never seen before.

I was immediately on my feet, the book I’d been holding dropped to the floor with a thud.

He was so much bigger then Neji, that it took me a moment to realize that the only reason the man was partially standing was the small boy. He had wedged himself dutifully under his father’s chest, holding the man up as best as he could, his face twisted in determination even though he was clearly losing the battle. The two of them had been training with Hiashi and Hinata today…what on earth had happened? Why had Hiashi allowed Neji to bear the burden of bringing his father home?

I felt a flood of emotions all at once, apprehension, anger, fear, and overwhelming sadness. Sadness because I had never saw Hizashi in such a state before and I was certain he would have preferred it if I never had. I had enjoyed a view that my husband was infallible for many years which was the way we had both preferred it, even as unrealistic as it was. It was a mercy to me that he had never shown me any weakness; he didn’t want me to worry when he was away on missions. He did not want me to ever see him unable to handle a situation or suffering. He didn’t want me to doubt that he was capable…didn’t want me to doubt that he would return to me.

It was not right but it was our way.

I scrambled to relieve my son of his burden, taking as much of my husbands’ weight as possible while I guided him to our bed where I laid him down. I placed a hand on his forehead – finding it sweaty but thankfully the temperature it was meant to be.

“Hizashi what do I do?” I asked desperately, “How do I help you?”

He seemed to be stifling a pained groan, clearly trying to minimize whatever damage he felt he was doing. I just wanted him to drop the façade. Now was not the time for the masks we were so fond of to be on.

“…n-nothing…you…c-can…do…fine…j-just need…rest.”

“Are you _sure_?” I questioned, determined to call a doctor if need be. I had no idea what was happening to him after all, but I also knew that if a doctor was called at the wrong time that meant no missions. If he was breathing, and pretty sure he would continue to do so, Hizashi would be livid if I called a doctor without his consent.

There was no verbal response, just a slow and pained nod before his eyes visibly rolled back in his head. He had lost consciousness. I stopped breathing for a moment, silently panicking, before I leaned over and placed a hand gently on his chest. It was rising and falling peacefully. Almost as if he had merely fallen asleep.

I remembered Neji in that moment.

He was still standing in the doorframe, a little fist raised to rub at his eyes while he fought back tears.

“Are you alright?” I asked, aware I sounded wooden. Despite every instinct in me telling me to pull my son to my chest and hold him for the next hour I resisted in favour of figuring out what happened.

Neji nodded bleakly.

“What happened?”

So, Neji explained, and with each passing second my heart sunk further into my stomach. It had seemed to the young boy that one moment things were fine and the next his uncle had been attempting to leak his father’s brains from his ears. I knew that could not be true. While it was clear Hiashi was slowly growing tired of his twins’ standoffish behavior and resentment, he still loved his brother dearly. I had faith that Hiashi had a good reason for what he had done.

Hizashi and I would never speak of that day but in my gut, I knew that my husband had messed up.

I knew without being told that his mask, once carefully worn, had slipped too far and his brother had sensed his malice. If it were just towards himself perhaps Hiashi would have done nothing, but that malice had been directed towards his child and so…he had overreacted as any parent would.

The next time we saw Hiashi for a mandatory clan meeting there was guilt in his eyes. The way he reached out for his brother, looking for the words, but was held at bay by my husband’s small smile crushed him more then anything. I’m sure my stony expression was equally unapproachable.

We did not want his apology because we _understood_. Of all the reasons Hizashi had grown to resent Hiashi that incident was not one of them. Since Neji’s sealing I had abandoned my negative feelings for the most part, focusing everything instead on my son and my husband.

Would we not have done the same if the situation were reversed if it meant protecting Neji?

Hiashi, soft-hearted as he was, attempted to make it right several times needlessly…only to be brushed off every time.

It was not until years later that I learned that by not discussing it, by accepting it, Hizashi and I had only left our son in darkness. Despite his genius he was only a child…how could he possibly make sense of what had occurred without guidance?

The first seed of resentment was sowed in my son’s heart that day and we had unintentionally allowed it.

**XxX**

It had been nearly a year since the war, with Lady Hinata soon to turn five, when everything came to a climax.

I had been incensed to learn of the attempted abduction of our clan heiress, o _f my niece_ , by the man who had been accepted into our village with friendship. The whole clan was suitably outraged, and I saw Lord Third more times in the month that followed then ever again in my life. It was never more then a few days before the Elder Council lured him back to the compound demanding answers and justice.

The entire clan, myself included, had expected Kumogakure to be cowed by the discovery of Hinata’s abduction attempt. Maybe not ashamed but at least self-aware enough that they would decide to throw us a half-hearted apology to avoid a war…but that didn’t happen.

The Raikage seemed to realize the kind of power he held and spun the story on its head. Suddenly the Hyuuga were in the wrong; they claimed no such abduction attempt had been ordered nor taken place. They claimed this was all a front for the Hyuuga to harass Kumogakure, perhaps to extort them for money in exchange for the peace they had worked so hard for. They even suggested that the Hyuuga were warmongers who didn’t want peace in the first place.

They claimed there was no evidence that Hiashi Hyuuga hadn’t simply murdered the Head Cloud Ninja in cold blood.

It was true that the only facts anyone had from that night was that the Head Cloud Ninja was dead and that Hiashi killed him. No one really knew for sure that the abduction attempt had taken place. Hizashi had been the first to arrive on the scene and informed me that Lady Hinata had long since been taken inside, later an admitted error in judgement on Hiashi’s part. Apparently, the girl had slept through the entire thing and her father hadn’t wanted her waking up to see her first dead body. Before doing anything else he had returned her to her bed.

Of course, the clan believed Hiashi – the man didn’t kill without reason – but it was true that there was no evidence. Not a single person could even corroborate his story.

Lord Hokage found himself in a very difficult position. What had once been an attempt to get justice for the Hyuuga Clan, had now turned into a full-time job of trying to appease Kumogakure with minimal loss of life.

The compound was grim.

During the day things were as they always had before, but in the evenings the adults all met solemnly to discuss the same possibilities by candlelight. Never wanting to decide on one but realizing that in the end they would have no choice.

Finally, a clear demand was made to settle the matter and it shook me to the core. Kumogakure wanted Hiashi Hyuuga’s dead body as recompense for the death of the Head Cloud Ninja. A life for a life.

Of course everyone knew they just wanted the secrets of the byakugan.

The day Hizashi made his decision we had been siting quietly on the veranda together, sipping tea and admiring my garden. It had been a rare moment of peace, one I would always treasure, before he acknowledged what was plaguing our clan.

“Tomorrow is the deadline. I want you to know; I plan to be killed in Hiashi’s place to prevent the byakugan from falling into enemy hands. There’s a meeting being held this afternoon.” My husband’s words were mechanical, and they shocked me, though they should not have. Hizashi had considered this possibility days earlier and had been discussing it with me piece by piece.

Each day had been a new detail about the speculative possibility of him pretending to be his brother and how it would work. Yet, instead of gently weening me into the idea, all this had done was made the possibility not seem… _real_. Made it seem like it was some wild idea, or even just an inkling, barely worth my worry or consideration.

Yet here Hizashi was telling me that it had been decided, it was happening, and I had no choice in the matter. 

It took me a moment to realize that I had dropped my tea and my hand had begun to sting in response to a burn I hadn’t even realize I’d inflicted on myself. He immediately reached for my hand, surveying the damage in his typical calm manner. I stared at the side of his face, tracing his features, wondering why it had to come to this. Why my family?

Why was it always my family?

In that moment, I was beyond tears. A disturbing numbness had settled over me like a blanket – it was both a suffocating and surreal feeling.

“Why?” I questioned him, my voice airy and barely above a whisper. I wasn’t trying to be quiet, but it was almost as if I didn’t have it in me to be any louder.

Hizashi didn’t meet my eyes, still just turning my reddening hand over in his own as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. After a few agonizing seconds I realized he wasn’t going to respond.

“Hizashi, _please_.” I pleaded, my voice breaking, “I need to hear what you’re thinking or I-”

I was cut off by my throat constricting with overwhelming grief, but my husband knew me well enough to understand what my next words were meant to be; _or I will never be able to accept it._

He did look up at me then, his determination obvious in his face but it softened when he met my eyes, and I was greeted with a familiar gentle smile.

“It’s because Hiashi’s my brother, I love him, and I will die to save him. Just as I will die to save Neji from a life governed by war.” His words were straightforward but there was hidden meaning within them. I had willfully forgotten over the last year what it had been like for me to live my entire life governed by war. The restrictions of war had chosen everything for me; my job, the clothes I could wear, the media I could listen to, the foods I could eat…even my husband. Of course, in giving me my husband it had given me the life of my precious son, but the war had taken more lives from me than it had given.

Atsuko, dead before she was even of age majority.

Shuro, separated from his family for years on some important war-related mission never to be seen again.

Tomoe, withdrawing himself from his family to only focus on his duties as an elite ninja.

My father, dying of complications from his injuries.

My mother, dying of illness she had contracted working for the village smithy.

Who would another war take from me if Hizashi did not sacrifice himself? My precious Neji, little Hinata, soft-hearted Hiashi, the countless clansmen I had grown attached to…maybe Hizashi would die anyway. His life was not guaranteed if we faced another war.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the feeling of his hand coming to rest on my lower abdomen. I was a little surprised by his silent acknowledgment of the child I carried.

I had only just discovered it myself, having missed my cycle that was meant to be a few weeks ago. I had initially dismissed it as a cycle missed due to the stress of the situation following Hinata’s abduction but after a few days I knew my denial was just willfulness. Something in my gut told me I was pregnant again though it hadn’t exactly been a joyous thought with how difficult I found motherhood to be.

“Just as I will die to save you and the child you carry.”

Hizashi’s verbal admission that he knew my secret brought conflicting emotions. Since the baby wasn’t developed enough to be seen by the byakugan, I realized the most likely explanation for this knowledge was because he’d been trying to get me pregnant. An accident, as Neji had been, was one thing but we hadn’t discussed this.

I _should_ be angry with him and part of me wanted to be…but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I knew if this had happened months ago one of our rare arguments would have erupted, shaking the clan compound to its core as we battled wills and intellects. We would have fought for weeks, maybe even a month. Hiashi would inevitably try and make peace between us once or twice but would be ignored. Then, one day, Hizashi would look at me the right way or say the right thing and I would realize that I loved him more then anything besides my son. I would acknowledge my pregnancy as the gift it was, forgive him, get swept up in his excitement and all anger would be forgotten.

Today, however, I didn’t have that kind of time. I didn’t have weeks or months with my husband…only minutes or hours. This afternoon he had a meeting with the clan and then, when the inevitable decision was reached, he would be dead by the end of the day. How could I taint the final few hours we had together with anger I knew would only subside with time anyway?

Besides the anger I chose to ignore there were other emotions. Fear being a prominent one. I was not good at being a parent. I had _needed_ Hizashi after Neji was born. He was a good father. He always knew what to do. How could I raise this child alone and not mess things up?

There was also a profound sadness at the realization that Hizashi would never know this child and that I must live through the torment of anticipating the Caged Bird Seal again. Only this time…I would be alone.

“I love you, Kiyoko.” My husband pulled me into a tight embrace, “I love you so, so much. You deserved better then this.”

I buried my head in his chest, trying to memorize the feeling of being held by him. Trying to memorize his smell; he smelled like autumn.

“Hizashi…”

 _I don’t need or want better…I have **you**._ Despite myself I couldn’t bring myself to say that aloud…but I knew that he understood.

“I love you too.” Was what I said.

We stayed like that for hours, occasionally shifting positions but never letting one another go. At one point I wondered whether I was stealing time from Neji but my husband informed me that he would prefer not to see Neji right now. Instead, he had spoken to Neji before he came to me, early this morning, though he had not told his son that it was their last time together. I did not ask what he had told him: it was a moment shared between father and son. It was not meant for me.

When Hizashi’s father finally came to solemnly collect him, my emotions had dulled to muted acceptance and I had resigned myself to remember only the good about that day.

**XxX**

It wasn’t until I was with Hizashi’s body that I cried.

Neji still did not know about what had happened. I didn’t know how to tell him and Hizashi had made it clear that he didn’t _want_ me telling him. He had told me that he had discussed the matter at length with his father and it was decided that the grim task of informing the boy of Hizashi’s death would fall to him. I had protested little but protested, nonetheless. Shouldn’t a child’s mother tell him that his father was dead?

My husband stood firm on that matter: I was not to be the one to inform Neji of his death.

He didn’t tell me his reasoning, but I knew because I knew my husband. Leaving me with no responsibilities other then to mourn and live was his final act of compassion towards me.

It was night when the branch clansmen, the men who had worked with my husband for years, came to get me. Despite the fact his death had been quick and painless, the seal upon his forehead had activated burning away his eyes and destroying his brain. A precautionary measure so that it couldn’t be studied…as was the curse seal’s ultimate purpose.

They had done their best to prepare the body for me to see but urged me not to remove the cloth they had placed upon his face. I was informed that I would have a few final hours with his body, to mourn and take part in the funeral rites before they gave the body over to the procession from Kumogakure.

I had taken painstaking care to prepare myself. I never usually cared but I felt tonight, after all Hizashi had done to protect me, it would be blasphemy to neglect myself. Though he wouldn’t see it I took this as my last opportunity to look nice for my husband. I wore only my best mourning wear which happened to be a heavy kimono of rare black silk I had worn to my mother’s funeral. I took time with my hair, for once, brushing it thoroughly and asking my servants to help me pull it up into an intricate style. I had selected three decorative combs – all of which had been gifts from Hizashi. They weren’t meant to be worn together, the colours clashed, and they weren’t meant for a funeral, but I had them all put in. Each comb had a happy memory of Hizashi attached to it and I wanted to bring those memories with me. It was like they were armor to protect me from the pain tonight would bring.

At first, I was very composed, quietly leading the procession of the branch clan from our estate to the main estate, where Hizashi’s body was waiting for us. Neji was in bed sleeping, as were a great deal of the clan. Only those involved in tonight’s loss were awake. Typically, a bell would be rung as we passed each household but my husband’s death was treated like a secret and so we passed each house in silence.

I was fine until one of the clansmen opened the door for me and I entered the room, immediately greeted with the sight of Hizashi’s body in the center.

I had prepared myself for this moment but something broke, my composure left me and I crumbled. I was three steps away from his body, so close but so far, when I dissolved into sobs, my knees buckling, and I fell towards the floor only to be caught by a nearby clansmen. Through my wretched crying, which I couldn’t even focus long enough to stifle, I vaguely registered the man leading me the rest of the way forward. He gently lowered me and deposited me at Hizashi’s side, where I proceeded to cry onto his cold chest.

There was no warmth…no heartbeat…he didn’t even smell like autumn anymore.

I had accepted Hizashi’s death but that didn’t mean I had processed it. I thought I was prepared for this but that had been foolish. How could someone prepare themselves for _this_?

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed like that but eventually my sobbing subsided though I didn’t move from my position as I came to terms with what I was experiencing. In the time I had been crying, the branch clansmen had taken up position around my husband’s body, similarly falling into various states of grief. Those from the main clan were noticeably absent.

Just as I thought that I heard the door on the opposite side of the room slide open, but I didn’t bother to look. Exhaustion had begun to settle in my body, and I found that even curiosity couldn’t resurrect my energy. It wasn’t until I heard the footsteps, quick, and notably those of someone much smaller than an adult that my head snapped up to view the new arrival.

It took me a moment to register that it was Neji. I wasn’t sure how he had known about his father’s death or where we were, but he had appeared. I regarded him with a blank expression, trying to come up with how I should behave…how I should react. I should send him to bed. No, I couldn’t do that. He had just found out his father had died: I couldn’t just send him to bed like it had never happened.

My hesitation was my downfall. During my brief moments of contemplation Neji had reached his father’s body and was now kneeling beside me, staring at his father’s covered face. His head was turned away from me so I couldn’t see his expression, but I found I could easily imagine it. What I did see was the tiny dops of tears that fell to land on his father’s cold chest.

Then he reached for the cloth.

“N-no-” was all I could manage as I frantically reached to stop him which got the attention of the clansmen across from us, who similarly lunged forward. This, however, ended in failure and too quickly the boy had removed the covering from his father’s face. I gasped at the sight and in a rare motherly instinct pulled Neji away to cover his eyes.

The clansmen across from us quickly returned the cloth to its place but the damage was done. I saw it. Neji saw it.

I could never forget it.

Hizashi’s eyeless corpse haunted my nightmares for years. 


	5. PART V

**Civil Affairs Narutoverse - The World Where Neji Lived - PART V**

The world still spun at the same rotation without Hizashi's presence – the only difference was that my place within the clan had changed.

I was still Lady Hyuuga and, as my son was a child and my husband dead, I became the de facto head of the Hyuuga Branch clan. Despite my years there I previously had very little involvement in clan matters, most of it being handled by Hizashi, and I had never made any decisions about the branch clan in my life.

I had run the household; hired servants, chosen flowers for the garden, cared for Hizashi's mother, made the servant's schedules, planned parties…those sorts of things. I had never dealt with clan salaries, disputes, or ninja inquiries.

I had gone into work like usual the day after my husband's death, content to bury myself in work and do my best to distract from the tragedy. It wasn't the healthiest course of action…but it was all I knew.

I had been shocked when a clansmen had arrived in my office at the CAO asking about a clan matter.

Apparently, there was an internal mission roster that indicated whether a clansmen could tell the village they were mission ready. This was done so that, at no time, was there ever a risk of the compound being without capable ninja.

He wanted to know if it was his turn to be rotated out.

I wanted to know why he was asking me.

Which is when I got the jarring news that I was now the head of the branch clan.

I went immediately to The Director's office and told her that something urgent had come up because of my husband's passing. She, of course, told me to take all the time I needed which I had expected. Who tells a widow that she can't take time off just a day after her husband's death? In hindsight, the woman was probably shocked that I had shown up at all.

I went immediately to the main estate and demanded to speak with Hiashi who was quick to appear. Unfortunately, his father came with him. While I held no resentment towards either of them, Hizashi's death had been his own choice, Lord Elder had a nasty habit of making things more difficult than they needed to be. In most cases I agreed with him but in the rare case I didn't he was a nightmare to persuade.

It was then I realized I hadn't planned an agenda when I'd come looking for Hiashi. I hadn't seen him in nearly a week, well before Hizashi's death, and he had not come to see me last night when I was mourning. I hadn't realized how much seeing Hiashi would affect me – my heart leapt into my throat and I visibly recoiled at the sight of him. Maybe it was because I was a twin myself or maybe it was because I was in love with one twin and not the other…but they had never looked the same to me. I had never mistaken Hizashi and Hiashi for one another.

Yet, in that moment, I thought I was staring at my husband.

It soon passed and took my shock with it, but it was too late. The two men had seen it. Lord Elder sent me a pitying look and Hiashi looked heart-broken; in his mind, among his misplaced guilt, now nestled the knowledge that his brother's widow could barely look at him. His _friend_ could barely look at him.

The twins' father was the first to speak.

"Kiyoko, it's too soon. You should be at home with your son." He wasn't wrong but the implication that my husband's death made me an invalid didn't sit right with me. I schooled my expression carefully – reminding myself not for the first nor last time that composure was all I had left.

I reminded myself of the clansmen and the fact that even if I did go home, I wouldn't be left in peace.

"I need to speak with you about my clan duties." I explained, still having to avoid Hiashi's gaze, "and my place here among the Hyuuga. I didn't really think about it at first, but it's been brought to my attention that my responsibilities may have changed."

Lord Elder let out a heavy sigh, a wordless acknowledgement that what I had said was what he wanted to avoid. He seemed ready to tell me to go home once more but was stopped by Hiashi.

"Please, Father," The clan head began, his expression conflicted, "we _all_ need to discuss what has happened. It's foolish not to…and if Kiyoko feels she is ready to discuss these matters then that is her decision."

He emphasized 'all', indicating to me that he likely had some questions himself that his father had been refusing to answer. I nodded in thanks at Hiashi, though I found that the closest I could come to looking him in the eye was staring intently at his chin. At least then it gave the false impression that I was able to look at his face.

"Very well." The elderly man sighed and for the first time since I'd met him, he seemed…tired.

With little else to say standing in the hall, the old man turned and led us towards where I knew the main estate's meeting room was. Hiashi fell in step beside me. I could feel him shooting tentative glances in my direction, feel his pearly eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge him. I knew soft-hearted Hiashi would be hurt by my behavior, but I just couldn't bring myself to give him what he wanted. What he needed.

I would focus on mending our relationship later.

Once we had reached the meeting room we sat in silence for a long time, watching as the elder rifled through some documents in a file folder and called for tea. After thirty minutes we were settled and ready to speak.

"The first thing I want to address is Neji." The elder told us plainly, "I have a scroll here for him – written by Hizashi to be given to him when he is older. I have decided to entrust it to you, Hiashi."

The twins' father reached into his robes and emerged with said scroll, sliding it across the low table towards his remaining son.

There was visible surprise on the clan head's face when he was told this which was the opposite of how I felt. I had a feeling this scroll had something to do with the explanation of his death and Hizashi had already told me he'd entrusted that duty to his father. He had already told me he hadn't wanted me involved in such things.

Hiashi stared down at the scroll addressed with his brother's handwriting in shock.

"Doesn't this rightfully go to Kiyoko?" He questioned, looking between me and his father.

"No." I replied bluntly, careful not to show any emotion, "Hizashi made it quite clear I was to leave explaining everything that's happened in your father's capable hands. They discussed it at length. If Lord Elder believes you are the best person to entrust the scroll to then I trust his judgement."

The twins' father said nothing but nodded in my direction appreciatively, likely happy I wasn't taking Hiashi's side against him.

"There is one more thing about Neji that I must address before we move on." There was more hesitation in the elder's voice this time and I felt my gut clench at his indecision. For Lord Elder to hesitate meant something was about to upset either myself or Hiashi greatly.

"Before he passed away, Hizashi signed away his parental rights…to _you_ , Hiashi." I did my best not to react to that. I didn't know exactly what the elder had meant by that statement – it might not be as bad as it sounded.

"What?" Hiashi sounded both shocked and appalled, his face darting between the other two people in the room. He clearly didn't like the sound of that. "I didn't sign anything! Surely, Father, you don't expect me to take Kiyoko's son away!"

I felt sick to my stomach as the man voiced my worst fears, the conclusion I had been desperately trying not to jump to.

"Calm yourself, Hiashi." His father urged, "That was not mine nor Hizashi's intention when that decision was made."

"Please explain, Lord Elder." I wanted him to explain what Hizashi's intentions were. Part of me wondered why my husband hadn't bothered to warn me of this but there was no sense feeling angry with a dead man. Especially not one who had so much to think about in so little time.

"This only means that you can _share_ custody of Neji with Hiashi. It is only a precaution, Kiyoko. Hizashi believed that you might need help with the boy and Hiashi having the legal right to help you will make things easier." It was rare I had heard the man's soothing tone, he usually only reserved it for his grandchildren, but now he was using it on me. "Neji will be beginning at The Academy soon and having Hiashi deal with those matters on your behalf might be best."

I knew that was true. I didn't know the first thing about being a ninja – if I ever needed to step in and speak to a teacher or was approached about homework, I would have no idea.

"That's not-" Whatever protest Hiashi had died on his lips and he looked down at his lap in contemplation.

"Of course, you can refuse," The elder began and Hiashi looked up at him hopefully, "I have the documents signed by Hizashi before he passed away, but they still require both your signatures to be valid."

"They're not signing away _my_ rights…just Hizashi's?" I reiterated, wanting to make sure I understood. This was not to _remove_ my parental rights only to _share_ them with Hiashi so that Neji could have more support.

The Elder nodded at me but didn't say anything. I glanced at Hiashi who had returned his fixation to the scroll on the table in front of him.

The truth was that I was a weak parent. I would need the extra support with raising Neji, especially with the new baby, and Hizashi had known that. He was dead and he was still taking care of us.

"I'm responsible for my brother's death…and you ask me to raise his son in his place? Even on paper…to take away his rights. It's an insult to him and Kiyoko, I can't-" I cut the man off.

In his final hours this was the decision that Hizashi had made. He wouldn't be so petty as to be insulted by his brother taking on a father-role for Neji if it were what he had planned. Besides, even if he was insulted…he was _dead_.

"Hiashi…it's fine." I assured him, looking into his eyes for the first time since I'd arrived. It was brief but I managed it. I needed him to know that I meant what I had said. I paused for a moment before I brought my hand to my still flat abdomen. If I was going to get Hiashi to agree I would need to confess to something that everyone in the clan secretly knew; that I was not a good parent. That I didn't know what I was doing. That I had _needed_ Hizashi and that everything Neji was and _could become_ was Hizashi.

"I couldn't have raised Neji without Hizashi: he always was the stronger parent. Always so sure of himself – even now, when he's not with us, he's still a better parent then me. I-I never know what to do with my son or how to care for him and now…"

I swallowed.

"-now I'm pregnant again and Hizashi is gone. I don't know what to do. Not for Neji, not for the new baby…" I took a breath to look into the shocked eyes of the Lord Elder and Hiashi. Even without the shocking pregnancy announcement this was the most I had ever talked to either of them. I could see them both struggling with this and my blatant disregard of my pride for the sake of my children. "I'm not a good parent but I love Neji more then anything in this world and I'm acknowledging that I can't give him what he needs on my own. I don't want to lose him to my own incompetence. Please, Hiashi, _help me_."

Somewhere throughout my tangent I had subconsciously moved so that I was facing Hiashi and I instinctively went into the traditional bow often used in the clan. It was typically used when begging for forgiveness but in that moment, I knew it was equally suited to begging for aid…while simultaneously apologizing for your own incompetence.

I was sorry. Sorry that Hiashi _had to_ help me. Sorry that I couldn't handle this on my own.

In that moment, with my forehead pressed flush to the cold floor, I felt more naked and vulnerable then ever in my life. I had never shared that much information about the workings of my mind before with anyone but Hizashi. Not even my own twin had been privy to those sorts of debilitating thoughts. But I needed Hiashi to hear them…I needed him to understand.

This wasn't about Hizashi, or me, or him. It wasn't about the pride of adults, misplaced guilt or insulting the dead.

" _It's because Hiashi's my brother, I love him, and I will die to save him. Just as I will die to save Neji from a life governed by war. Just as I will die to save you and the child you carry."_

This was about love and what you were willing to do for it.

This was about making hard choices for that love.

This was about Neji.

**XxX**

Shortly after that Hiashi had rushed to help me up from the floor and had signed the documents without protest. I had won him over, as I knew I would, soft-hearted as he was.

The rest of the meeting was about what had initially brought me to the main estate. Lord Elder didn't want me to maintain control of the branch clan and had expressed as much, but Hiashi's opinion differed. Lord Elder believed that since I was not born a Hyuuga and was not a kunoichi, the clan would suffer with me in the position. He suggested that there was too much I wouldn't be able to understand about the tasks I would be given.

Hiashi, on the other hand, said that was false. He compared the position to any other desk job and said that it was just paperwork one needed no understanding of byakugan or ninjutsu to perform. If the person understood the inner workings of the clan, and the politics involved, they would be able to do the job quite capably. He believed I would excel in the role of head of the branch clan, given my organized nature and experience working at the CAO.

No one even asked me if I _wanted_ to be head of the branch clan. Which was probably for the best because I didn't know the answer myself.

In the end, Hiashi won the debate and I become the head of the Hyuuga Branch Clan under the condition that I would be initially under the strict supervision of Lord Elder. It had given me a tangled web of emotions in my gut at having my husbands former position within the clan.

It didn't really matter, Hizashi wouldn't have cared either way. I knew because he hadn't made plans for anyone to succeed him besides me – his father wouldn't have disallowed him anything in the few hours leading up to his death.

It wasn't until years later that Hiashi had confessed he'd wanted me to take the position only so he could keep an eye on me. With Neji partially in Hiashi's legal care, no Hyuuga-born husband and no duties within the clan I could have left altogether. It was my right as far as the Hyuuga were concerned and in some cases even expected of me. Non-Hyuuga widows almost never remained in the clan: they almost always left to seek out another life and left their children behind. If I had a duty to the clan still, Hiashi didn't have to worry about me leaving my children or getting remarried, and I could stay close. After all, not only did he feel he owed my safety and happiness to his own brother…but to mine as well.

It had been so long that sometimes I forgot why Hizashi had felt obligated to marry me in the first place. But apparently Hiashi hadn't forgotten.

His loyalty to Shuro was still unwavering as was his guilt for Hizashi's death.

It was all temporary anyway. Once Neji turned sixteen he would take his rightful place as leader of the Hyuuga branch clan.

I soon came to learn that being a clan head was, like Hiashi had claimed, very much like any other desk job. Every morning I would wake up to mountains of paperwork, some important and some just as redundant as could be. After I came home from the CAO, I would spend all my free time doing it, occasionally with a question for Lord Elder, and then I would go to bed.

Neji and I didn't have our talks after dinner anymore…mostly because I didn't have time _for_ dinner.

I spent a couple months like that, run ragged and tired, before I made the very difficult decision to quit my job at the CAO in favor of the clan head's job. I had been trying to do both, but it was near impossible with the sheer overwhelming amount of work involved in both jobs. It hadn't helped that those at the CAO had gotten used to dumping their extra work off with me, since I never minded, but now those extra hours I would have typically used were precious.

I remember staring into the mirror blankly one morning, contemplating the bags under my eyes, when I noticed that I was stressed for the first time in my life. It was awful – hot and painful – it sunk into my very bones and made everything ache with exhaustion. I felt drained. Unhealthy. My eyes drifted down to my stomach, where my baby was growing, the bump finally becoming obvious. That made my decision for me: I couldn't allow myself to feel this way anymore or I could hurt the baby. I wouldn't risk losing my child to stress.

Over the many years I had spent within the clan, I had been indoctrinated into their mindset that family came first above all. Even the village. So, when the decision had to be made, I chose the Hyuuga clan.

The large benefit was that I could resume my time spent in the evenings with Neji. At first, I had worried that his father's death had fundamentally broken the already weak bond we shared. However, that first night when I'd informed him that we could resume spending time together, my son had surprised me. For the first time in months his eyes had lit up, though just slightly.

Our talks resumed, our time together returning to the way it had been, though Neji talked more then he used to. At first, I thought that he was lonely with his father's death and I had become his only outlet. I figured out after a few months that with his father gone Neji had by default grown closer to his only remaining parent.

That was only partially true.

Years later, while watching him fight a loud boy in an orange jumpsuit, I would learn that he considered his mother a victim of the Hyuuga clan. He saw my position within the clan not as a chosen one of solidarity but as servitude.

In Neji's mind they had branded my son, killed my husband, and then insulted me by forcing me to linger among them in service. If he had ever asked me, I would've told him that I had chosen this life over the alternative. It was true that Hiashi had been attempting to make it harder for me to leave but I honestly believed that, given the choice, I would not have left the clan. If I really had wanted to, I could have refused Hiashi that day and he would've found a way for me to live a comfortable life elsewhere.

However, something told me that Neji would have refused to understand that.

The person Neji became in the years following his father's death was just as bitter as Hizashi had ever been, perhaps more so. Reason would not have come easy to him: perhaps my assurance that I had chosen this life would have only angered him and villainized the clan more. To the person he was then I ran the risk of coming across as manipulated by the clan rather then one who had long since accepted my fate.

He had decided that he was my protector and while this had improved my relationship with him, giving me an unearned pedestal within his mind, it worsened his relationship with his uncle.

Hiashi loved Neji deeply but the boy would do everything and anything to avoid him. They trained together often but beyond that each attempt at connecting with the boy was rebuked.

On July 20th, 1460, the twins were born.

Neji's seventh birthday had just come and gone mere weeks before. He welcomed his siblings with quiet enthusiasm, but I could see the love in his eyes when he looked at them. Of course, if I had been looking for some final reminder of Hizashi the twins' birth would have been a disappointment. His words, that boys looked like their mother and girls like their father, were proven wrong by the twins. Both girls, except for their pearly eyes, were entirely me. Rich, brown hair that fell straight, slight frames, high cheekbones, sharp features…they were like Hyuuga clones of my sister and me.

Thankfully, I needed no reminders of Hizashi, so I was not disappointed. I named the first-born daughter Atsuko, after my sister, though I struggled to come up with another name. It was rude to use the byakugan on someone who didn't ask so the sex and number of children I'd been carrying remained a mystery to me until their birth. I had wanted to be surprised and I was.

In the weeks that I pondered over the second name, wanting to choose one with just as much significance as the first, Neji had grown close to the second-born. He took to her at first because she was the nameless baby but then they formed a close bond. Sometimes, when I would enter the nursery with him at my side, she would turn her head and reach out to him in that funny way babies did. He seemed to feel bad for her, though there was no reason to. My stalling wasn't because I loved her less but because I loved her just as much.

It was Neji who suggested Kimiko. Valuable child.

I liked it and a reminder that a second-born twin was just as valuable as the first wouldn't go amiss in the Hyuuga clan.

Since Hiashi's wife gave birth to another daughter, Hanabi, in March of that same year I was braced for my twins to suffer the sealing. My family was saved from that fate by Hiashi of all people.

He came to me and informed me that he had spoken to his father and if the twins chose a civilian life, they could remain unsealed. Hanabi was not the heiress, and they already had Neji, so no protector was needed.

Though it wasn't in his nature part of me had expected Neji to take the news with a hint of jealousy. After all, it wasn't fair that he should have to live with the Caged Bird Seal and that his sisters didn't.

My fears were unfounded. He wasn't jealous in the slightest.

Just relieved.

He was a good big brother.

My relationship with the twins was more solid than my relationship with Neji from the beginning. When Neji had been an infant, I'd had a difficult time bonding with him – my milk wouldn't come so I couldn't breast feed and gradually I felt like I was doing everything wrong. I remembered being plagued with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and hopelessness. I had passed him off to Hizashi rather then risk making mistakes and by the time those dark feelings had passed…it had felt like it was too late.

I was able to breast feed the twins, so already I was off to a better start. I relished the closeness I felt when I was able to feed them with my own body, rather then rely on formula or a wetnurse. I waited for those dark feelings that I'd experienced after having Neji to reappear, but they didn't. The only feelings I associated with my twins was joy and for the first time I felt like I was _capable_ of being a mother.

Neji loved his sisters equally but he had a special bond with Kimiko, one that grew as the twins did.

My son had created a wall of stone around his heart, mastered his own stony expression, but Kimiko challenged that. I had named the twins wrong because Kimiko reminded me more of my sister then the one who shared her namesake. Kimiko was vibrant, joyful, energetic…an opposite to the big brother she loved so much. An opposite to the rest of her family; she behaved neither like the Hyuuga nor the Shiranui from which she was descended.

Despite their differences she and Neji were drawn together.

Atsuko, on the other hand, was me and at times Hizashi. She was quiet, reserved, practical…I could relate to her in a unique way. In the times she reminded me of myself I could almost read her pensive mind and, in the times that she reminded me of Hizashi, I could understand her better then anyone else in the world. Just as I had understood my late husband.

Often, while Neji was entertaining Kimiko, Atsuko would instead stay with me in contemplative silence. Her favourite thing to do was sit next to me while I read her the books her older brother used to enjoy.

The twins became the glue that held Neji and I together as a family. Family time after dinner came to include all four of us and, slowly, those two hours became whenever we wanted. Just like a real family.

Like a good family that had a good mother.

Just when I thought that I had come to the end of Hizashi's machinations to ensure my life was happy, I would find something else he had done for me. Leaving the twins behind in my womb had been his greatest gift.

I still was not a good mother…but I was now a capable one.

My friendship with Hiashi grew closer over the years following the death of his wife. With my newfound confidence in raising the twins, I found myself wanting to be more involved with my nieces who had lost their own mother. I cared for Hinata a great deal, likely as much as Hiashi loved Neji, but the girl was often a frustration for me. I had always been reserved but never shy and at times I found her meek behavior was one of the few things that could irritate me. I wanted her to change, to be stronger, but I realized that was wrong. You shouldn't want to change someone you loved.

Hanabi on the other hand became, in many ways, a third daughter. She had a strong personality and was an intelligent girl – someone who I could have seen leading the clan in Hinata's place. I wondered often if I would have resented the main clan less if Hanabi had been Hiashi's firstborn and therefore Neji had been destined to serve her. Much of my resentment had been centered around the belief that my son was superior to the weak Hinata, that he deserved more, so would that resentment had been lessened when I was presented with a stronger heir?

I would never know for sure.

**XxX**

Before I knew it, Neji had graduated from The Academy. I didn't fully understand it but Hiashi had told me that because he was talented and from a prominent family that meant he would get put in a three-man cell to complete his training. Some genin went right into the genin corps if they were exceedingly average and then they could work their way up the ranks from there. However, Neji was far from average so he was getting an extra resource to help his training in the form of an elite jonin teacher.

I still clearly remember the day I met Gai and Neji's team.

Neji had been in training under his new teacher for months and while he was much more talkative with me, he spoke very rarely of training. Even when I attempted to probe, I learned nothing of his teacher or his teammates which made me worry that he wasn't bonding with them properly. From what I'd witnessed with my siblings and husband, my son was supposed to develop a special bond with his first team that he could carry with him through the years.

It was summer. I was sitting on the veranda in the garden in a nice purple yukata, sipping tea and enjoying the morning. Neji had chosen to join me, sitting dutifully by my side like the ever-vigilant protector he was. His eyes were closed, his hands resting on his knees, and his lips were pressed into a hard line as he seemed to be thinking about something important. Kimiko was running around the garden, giggling, and splashing in the pond. Atsuko had decided to sit quietly on the bank building a house from twigs and leaves. At five years old they could be rather amusing to watch, and I was enjoying their antics in my quiet way.

The door behind me slid open gently and I didn't have to look to know it was my personal servant. With my entire family here, no one else could enter my bedroom without permission and that was the only way to the garden. That was my favourite part about the branch clan estate – the fact that the garden was a private sanctuary for the family.

"Lady Hyuuga, I am sorry to disturb you. A man is here. He claims to be the young master's teacher."

I didn't have to look to know that Neji had stiffened next to me.

"Oh?" I kept my expression composed as always but inside I was intrigued. Neji was intensely private and seemed to have decided to keep us apart. Surely, he didn't expect me to ignore the opportunity to learn about his team when it was so blatantly presented.

"Mother," Neji began and rose to his feet, his features stony, "I will go and greet him."

He didn't wait for my response and I felt him turn to leave. It was so fast that if it hadn't been for the screech of protest from Kimiko, I wouldn't have been able to stop him.

As it was, the brasher of the twins had slipped and fallen into the pond. I barely reacted as it was for decoration and too shallow for her to get hurt, barely up to her tiny calves in depth, but the fall had startled her, nonetheless. The tears came and Neji forgot himself for a moment as he ran to check on her and take her out of the water.

"Invite him in, please." I told the servant, observing my children quietly.

Through calming his sister's sobs, I could tell Neji had heard me, he cast me an unreadable look which I'm sure masked displeasure.

It only took a few minutes after the servant had left before a powerful bundle of energy, which seemed to be desperately trying to contain itself, sprung through the doors. It was a flurry of orange, green and black. I saw a flash of red as well.

Then there was a man in front of me, bowing, clad entirely in green spandex. To his left was a boy nearly identical, though there was a red leaf headband slung across his waist. They both had large eyebrows, orange legwarmers, and shocking bowl cuts.

"Lady Hyuuga," His dialect had a strange way about it. The man seemed to over-emphasize the first character of every word giving him a melodic tone. "Thank you for allowing us to visit with you today!"

A rather plain looking girl also slunk up next to them, looking between her bowing teacher and myself with clear confusion, before seeming to decide that mimicking her teacher was best. She similarly bent at the waist but kept shooting furtive glances in my direction – a bead of sweat forming on her temple.

I said nothing at first. I just raised an eyebrow and glanced over the man's bent form into the eyes of my son. He looked caught between amusement, annoyance, and embarrassment. He'd long since pulled his sister from her imaginary danger but had yet to move from the edge of the pond. At my look he seemed to remember himself and left his sisters behind to stalk towards his genin team and teacher.

" _Please_ don't do that." He ground out, his voice a level of irritated that I decided was new.

At his words, his male teammate popped upwards, turning to face him, and launched into some long-winded explanation of why they were there. He also mentioned something about how their teacher had said that they needed to greet me formally and show me the utmost respect. His female teammate stood up more slowly and glanced at me before awkwardly sidling over to where the two boys were standing.

They realized I was just a clan head and not some feudal lord…right?

The man ignored the genin and continued to address me, looking up into my eyes. He flashed me a blinding grin and his teeth were so white they glinted in the sun.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion but I have had the pleasure of meeting all my student's parents but you. Neji seemed to think that you would be too busy. I'm glad he was clearly mistaken."

There was a mischievous glint in the man's eye that I could respect. He'd figured out my son was lying.

"Clearly he was." I agreed in a monotone, though I fought with a smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth. So, he decided he was tired of this game Neji was playing, eh?

"Mother-" My son began, having fought himself away from his energetic teammate's attentions to address me. I knew my son and could recognize the muted panic in his voice. In those few moments he had devised some reasoning as to why his teacher had to leave suddenly or why I was too busy to speak with him. Some excuse to try and convince the two adults not to interact.

Well, I wouldn't have any of it.

"Neji," I interrupted, "why don't you take your sisters to the park. Perhaps your friends would like to go as well."

At the mention of the word 'park' both girls who were previously disinterested perked up and rushed forward in their various ways. Kimiko immediately sprinted towards her older brother and grabbed his hand chanting ' _park, park, park'_. Her sister ran forward as well, but tried to look like she wasn't, and grabbed onto her brother's other free hand. She had picked up on the fact that her brother would protest, and you could see the pleading in her eyes as she stared up at him. She said nothing but she didn't have to. Atsuko _really_ liked the swings…and Neji knew it.

His flamboyant teammate seemed to have decided to match Kimiko's enthusiasm and agreed loudly to the idea. The female teammate was quieter but similarly looked like she agreed as she hung back and smiled at the other boy's enthusiasm.

Neji stood like a stone in the crashing sea of energy that had surrounded him.

My son gritted his teeth but knew when he was defeated.

"Yes, Mother." He grudgingly agreed, causing his two little sisters and male teammate to vibrate with happiness.

Without waiting his green-clad teammate grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards the door, which in turn dragged the two girls clinging to his hands. Just as quickly as he had come the bowl-cut boy was gone and had taken my children with him.

"W-wait, Lee!" The female teammate who'd been left behind squawked, extending a futile hand in his direction, "You didn't even say good-bye! Don't be rude!"

She received no response – the other genin and children long gone. She paused for a moment before bowing in my direction.

"Thank you for having us, Lady Hyuuga!" She almost shouted, her face flushing scarlet in embarrassment, before she scrambled to follow the others. I waited until I could no longer hear footsteps before I looked back at Neji's teacher who, to my surprise, was still bowing. It was proper etiquette that he waits until dismissed but I hadn't expected a clanless man to know such things. Despite his _extreme_ appearance I was finding myself already impressed with the jonin.

"Please, join me." I said, my voice as bland as always as I gestured. The man stood and maneuvered himself to sit at my side, taking the place that just minutes ago had been Neji's.

"Lady Hyuuga, please let me introduce myself." The man began shortly, "I am Might Gai, Neji's jonin instructor."

"I _am_ pleased to meet you." I told him sincerely, pausing for a moment to decide whether I should continue. I decided I should. "Neji has not told me anything about his training so I am happy you chose to visit."

"And I am happy to hear that, Lady Hyuuga." The man's voice had softened, showing an awareness that I had a feeling he hid beneath his exuberance. "When I told Neji I wanted to meet you he told me you had no interest in such things. He seemed to think I would be bothering you."

I knew for a fact that my son knew that wasn't the case. He was lying. I may not have understood it, but I had always shown an interest in his training. I'd always at least asked about it.

I kept my face passive but shook my head in disagreement. I had thought a great deal about why Neji didn't want me involved in his ninja life, to the point of telling others that it was a _bother_ , and I could come up with only one explanation.

"After his father died, Neji decided to take on the role of my protector." I confessed, turning to look at the younger man for the first time. He had been watching me intently and now that our eyes had the opportunity to meet, his gaze softened in understanding. "He doesn't want me to know about his training or missions because that was the way his father was. Hizashi always shielded me from such things: he always treated me like I was more fragile than I actually was."

I thought for a moment before continuing.

"His uncle handled all of his training and when Neji entered The Academy, Hiashi took over that as well. He made sure that Neji was keeping up with his studies, doing his homework…all of that. I'm actually surprised you wanted to see _me_ , considering."

"I have spoken to Lord Hiashi." The man admitted with a small shake of his head, "It was him who asked me if I'd met with you yet."

He hesitated and then cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"To be truthful, I hadn't realized his mother was still alive until recently." The man admitted, looking like he was ready for me to wince away from the confession.

I didn't.

After Hizashi's death, I had practically become a recluse and Hiashi handled most of the matters regarding Neji within the village. I was so busy with my work for the clan and my attempts at mothering the girls, that I rarely left the compound. The servants went to fetch groceries and did any necessary shopping for the estate. Yuzuha always visited me, never the other way around. Even the girl's clothes had been made by a clan seamstress and I had no need to shop for myself for the same reason.

It was a reasonable assumption.

"I actually knew Lord Hizashi well," The man told me after a moment, "When I was younger, he led many of my missions and he even taught me a thing or two about what being a ninja means. He was a good man and a very talented shinobi…I see him in Neji."

That comment brought the ghost of a smile to my lips and I felt my chest swell with appreciation. I wasn't sure why this stranger's comment made me feel so good, but it did. Maybe it was because it was nice to know that someone else remembered Hizashi. Often it seemed like besides Neji and me…no one remembered him. Even Hiashi pretended his brother hadn't existed, I suspect to avoid dwelling on his guilt.

"Who was your teacher, if I may ask?" I imagined if this man was a jonin now it was likely he had also had a jonin teacher. He looked about the age that I might know the person, especially if he was associating with my husband.

"Choza Akimichi!" The man told me proudly and I felt happy that I knew who that was. I had dealings with Choza on behalf of the clan. He was a good man.

"Ah, I know Choza." I admitted and the man seemed pleased, "And your teammates? Did they also become jonin?"

The man nodded in affirmation.

"…and jonin…are they more likely to live?" I asked and the man's happiness seemed to fade slightly and was once more replaced with that knowing look.

"Lives aren't guaranteed at any rank, Lady Hyuuga," The man told me, and I appreciated his blunt honesty. "but I swear I will do everything I possibly can to help Neji be the best he can be."

I nodded once and looked up to the sky.

That was all I could ask.

**XxX**

Gai quickly became a friend of mine, much to Neji's chagrin.

Which only made teasing the boy a shared hobby for the two of us.

When Gai had a rare day off from training or missions, he would take an hour or two to come sit with me in the garden.

On the days when Neji was there, lurking in the background and glaring at his teacher from afar, we would purposefully discuss Neji loudly, just to try and get a rise out of him. It never worked but that didn't mean we didn't try and there was satisfaction in knowing that even if he didn't react, he was sufficiently teased.

Other days when Neji was off with his uncle or babysitting his sisters, Gai and I would talk about other things. We covered a wide range of topics and it was in this manner that I rediscovered my nephew, Genma.

Apparently, he was one of Gai's former teammates and one of his closest friends. When he learned that Genma was my nephew, Gai brought him for a visit one day and I met the boy…now a man…for the first time. He reminded me of myself and for that reason the man was easy to relate to.

Neither of us expected to become close but there was still a comfort to finding long-lost family that we both benefited from.

I learned through him that Tomoe had died many years ago, which explained why my attempt to contact him about our bloodline had gone unanswered. Genma knew very little about his family, he could only vaguely recall his own grandfather's name, so we spent many hours discussing the late Shiranui family. I mentioned to him the suspicion my husband had once had that we were somehow related to the Senju Clan but warned him not to take it too seriously. After all, there was no proof.

I felt guilt for not being there when Tomoe had passed away. Genma had only been eleven at the time and had been alone ever since. I apologized to him for my absence, but he assured me it wasn't my fault. He knew his father had siblings and had considered looking for us but had ultimately decided to go it alone. After all, he had just become a genin and had an income to support himself, so it wasn't like he _needed_ a family anymore.

Considering all that had happened and where he had come from, Genma had turned out to be a very well-rounded young man who I was very proud of. I told him as much. I told him that it had taken a few generations, but Genma was the kind of man my father had always wanted to bear the Shiranui name.

Genma had puffed up visibly when I'd told him I was proud of the man he had become. I realized then that Tomoe had likely been so busy in life and had died so early, that Genma probably wasn't used to hearing those words. Genma would visit me occasionally and I had always tried to arrange a meeting between him and Neji. Much like how my son was benefiting from Gai I thought Neji may benefit in some way from Genma's guidance.

The first time the two _actually_ met was during the final round of the Chunin Exams. While Genma had recognized Neji immediately, my son hadn't made the connection that the proctor standing to his left was his cousin. Which was probably the best, given the emotional nature of the day.

That had been an interesting day to say the least.

"Are these seats taken?" I questioned politely, gesturing to the two empty seats next to the familiar brunette.

Startled by my sudden appearance, as she'd been intently watching the arena despite the missing opponents, Tenten snapped her head to look at me.

"Oh! Lady Hyuuga! No, please have a seat."

I had to admit that moving into the stadium seats was a struggle given the nature of my outfit. I was wrapped securely in the layers of my light-blue kimono, teetering off the edge of traditional pokkuri. I'd pulled my hair up into a casual style as there was nothing I hated more then my head feeling heavy, but I had still used a decorative comb. One of the combs my husband had given me – there was no way I could leave him behind, today of all days.

I did my best to sit gracefully, having to clench my teeth as I almost fell. I desperately hoped no one had noticed, I'd felt the eyes on me ever since I had entered the stadium. Mostly from members of the Hyuuga clan who were dotted throughout but the odd elite jonin as well. I was easily recognized.

"This is my friend, Miss Nara." I introduced bluntly and the girl nodded in greeting, "Yuzuha this is one of Neji's teammates, Tenten."

Yuzuha took the other free seat to my left and sent the brown-haired girl a smile.

"Please! Call me Yuzuha. Nothing more annoying then being called _Miss_ Nara at thirty-seven."

"Neji wasn't sure you were going to come, Lady Hyuuga." Tenten began, a drop of sweat forming on her brow as she confessed this.

"What!?" It was Yuzuha who responded before I had to, "You kidding me? No way she's missing this."

Yuzuha looked around conspiratorially before leaning over me to whisper at the girl.

"You know she's secretly obsessed with his progress. She even tried to bribe Lord Hokage."

I knew Yuzuha was teasing, but the poor girl didn't, and she was looking flustered at this new (false) information. Without much more thought I reached out and pinched my friend, who squeaked and went back to sitting properly in her seat.

Shortly after that the match started.

We had been sitting close enough to the arena that I could hear bits and pieces of my son's conversation with the orange-clad boy. For the first time he voiced his pain at what had happened to his father. I wasn't ignorant. I knew that Neji was in pain…but I suppose I had underestimated _just how much_.

In the end, Neji lay on the ground defeated and needed to be taken away on a stretcher. I sat in my seat in silence for a long moment, even as the rest of the stadium erupted into clapping and cheering. I considered my options. I glanced towards where I knew Hiashi to be sitting and saw him stand to leave, heading in the direction of the medical rooms. Going to see Neji.

I looked once more down at the stadium where the boy in orange was now climbing the stairs to go to the competitor waiting area. I thought about what the boy had said to Neji. About destiny and choice. About how somehow this strange boy had managed to tell my son the things he _needed_ to hear.

I stood; my hands folded neatly into my sleeves.

"Where are you going?" Yuzuha asked, her question breaking into my thoughts.

"I will be back." It wasn't a real answer to her question, but it was all I was going to give. Truthfully, I wasn't quite sure where I was going.

My feet carried me down the stadium and towards the steps that went to the competitor waiting area. There were no guards, which I found odd – I could have been anyone and certainly shouldn't have been allowed to just stroll around unchecked.

I met the orange-clad boy on the stairs. He was facing away from me and his hands were folded behind his head.

What was his name again?

That's right…it was…

"Naruto Uzumaki." I addressed in my typical monotone, drawing the boy's attention. Immediately he looked weary; despite appearances he was clearly smart enough to realize that there was more going on here then just kids fighting in an arena. A lot of important people had money on these matches. Come to think of it, a lot of important people probably just lost money on Neji's match. Everyone, including myself, had been confident that my son would win.

"Y-yeah? Who are you, lady?" Well, he could certainly use better manners but there were worse things.

"My name is Kiyoko," I began, choosing instead to use my given name. Titles didn't mean much to a brat like this anyway. What point would there be in addressing myself as Lady Hyuuga if it wouldn't matter to the boy in the slightest? People used titles because they wanted a certain level of respect…but this boy didn't need to respect me. "Neji is my son."

The boy looked a little startled as he processed the implications of this new information. I could see him mulling this over, wondering what this meant, why I was telling him this, whether it mattered…

Why had Tenten seemed so convinced that the boy was unintelligent? He seemed perfectly intelligent to me.

"Thank you." The more I thought about it, there really wasn't much I could say to the boy that would make sense. Those two simple words conveyed everything I needed to say to him quite well.

**XxX**

Years passed until the Fourth Shinobi War was upon us.

Neji had turned sixteen the year prior and had taken on his duties as head of the Hyuuga branch clan.

The first year had been very smooth, with me filling in for my son while he was away on missions, but it had been chaos after the village was destroyed. Hiashi had formally made me a clan elder so that I would always be able to advise Neji and help with his duties until he married.

Shortly before they went to war, a clean meeting was held that was long overdue.

It was Hiashi, me, the other five clan elders and Neji.

We met in a half-built meeting hall that was being prepared in what would be the new Hyuuga Clan compound. Hiashi had started very bluntly and told us we had to prepare for the possibility he would not return. His father had passed away nearly a year ago and with him gone there was no one with the rank or seniority to truly challenge his decisions.

To the shock of all there in the room that night he changed his successor to Neji.

There was much discussion, several accusatory looks were thrown in my direction like I had orchestrated the whole thing, but they bounced off. I'd had nothing to do with it. I was just as shocked as they were.

The nay-sayers mainly protested the fact that Neji was not Hiashi's son, but the clan head had clearly prepared for this argument. His response was that genetically and legally, Neji _was_ his son. After all, legally Hizashi had signed his parental rights over to Hiashi before he died which made Neji legally his son in the eyes of the village and clan. He had also been obvious in using these parental rights and had been Neji's father figure ever since his brother's death. Additionally, as Hizashi and Hiashi were identical twins they had the same DNA, and their children were genetically half-siblings as a result.

How could anyone argue that Neji couldn't be considered Hiashi's son after that?

Those that protested were few in comparison to those who approved the change. Ninja clans focused on strength first and tradition second. It was clear to all that out of the three possible clan heir candidates Neji was the most fit. Though Hanabi and Hinata had both shaped up over the years to be firm kunoichi they both still fundamentally lacked other necessary traits required of a leader.

Traits that Neji possessed.

Neji, Hiashi noted, had also excelled as expected and had climbed the ranks to become an elite jonin. Just as everyone had predicted when Neji was born he was proving to be the first in what would hopefully be a new generation of powerful Hyuuga.

Neji stayed silent throughout all of it and gave the impression that he would be fine with whichever decision was made. If he felt praised or irritated by all that we were discussing, all while pretending he wasn't there, he didn't show it.

Hiashi's argument was solid enough that no one could provide a valid reason that the change shouldn't happen.

So Neji, already the leader of the branch clan, became the heir to the main Hyuuga clan.

I had waited for the room to clear before I had approached Hiashi – I had even been under the impression that Neji had long since left but I later learned I had been wrong. Apparently, he had lingered outside the door waiting for me and had heard our discussion.

"You are _sure_ about this, Hiashi?" I asked him quietly. I had my concerns about the decision but none that had been worth bringing up in the meeting.

"Yes, I am very sure. I believe Neji will take the Hyuuga clan into a new age." Hiashi replied, smiling gently at me as he spoke. His smile fell however when he noticed the way my face remained in its usual firm expression. "What's the matter, Kiyoko? Isn't this what you and Hizashi always wanted for him?"

That cut deep and what was once a line formed a frown.

My eyes flickered over Hiashi's face to interpret if there was hidden meaning behind his words. Had be been trying to hurt me? No. His gaze was gentle: he hadn't meant to remind me of those terrible days filled with resentment and hate.

"We always wanted better for Neji." I admitted softly, "Hizashi used to blame himself so much for being born your twin but despite what your father thought it wasn't so he could one day lead the clan. We just wanted our son to know a life of freedom and acceptance. A life without fear of his own family. We struggled with it…for years…" I trailed off in thought – remembering all the long nights of painful discussions that I had long since forgotten. How long had it even been now? Eleven years?

"These last few years have _been that life_ , Hiashi." That was the truth. Neji was celebrated for his talents and respected by the clan. He was no longer considered a servant to Hinata, but a brother and a friend. He didn't live in fear because there was nothing more outlandish than the thought that Hiashi would ever use the Caged Bird Seal against him. Most importantly he had learned that he was free to choose the life he wanted and that he wasn't bound to some pre-determined destiny.

My son had healed. He no longer knew bitterness, hate or resentment. He was no longer in pain.

"I don't understand." Hiashi confessed, his brow furrowing together in confusion. "Do you not want Neji to be my successor?"

I shook my head.

"That's not it, Hiashi." I explained calmly, "Neji leading the clan is something that I had only imagined in my wildest dreams. Something I always felt he deserved but not necessarily something I thought could happen. But…I just want to know that you made this decision because you _believe_ in Neji."

"As opposed to what?" The man asked, sounding baffled, and I took that as a good sign but continued anyway.

"Guilt. You have done everything you could to take care of my family as recompense for what happened to Hizashi and I do appreciate it Hiashi. I don't know what I would have done without you…especially those first few years." I paused, remembering every thing Hiashi had done that I was grateful for. "But you forgot something in all of these years that you tried to make it up to us. To me."

"What was that?" Hiashi was clearly taken in by my words and, as I suspected, even now the guilt was shadowing his features. He was still guilty after all these years.

"You never did anything that needed to be forgiven. You never had anything to be guilty about." I wasn't much for human contact, but I raised my hand to rest it tenderly on his cheek, watching my brother's face twist in anguish. "You protected your child…and Hizashi made the _choice_ to protect _you_."

I didn't bother to mention that in doing so he had also prevented a war which had similarly protected his own family. I figured that was implied.

"You never needed to feel guilty for Hizashi's choice and the only person whose forgiveness you need is your own…because no one else blames you." The man started to tremble, and he dropped his head, but didn't pull away from my contact. Fresh tears threatened to fall from his eyes and one or two did slip out.

Soft-hearted Hiashi.

Still blaming himself after all these years for terrible circumstances and the choices of others. Still searching for forgiveness from people who had never blamed him in the first place and paralyzed because he was unable to forgive himself.

This was a conversation we'd needed to have long ago, and I regretted not having it sooner. I suppose I had thought that, in time, Hiashi would move on.

"I really do believe in Neji." Was all he said in response, still doing his best to hold back the tears.

"I know."

I hoped Hiashi took what I said about forgiveness to heart because soon he would be leaving for the field of battle. He could live for the next forty years or die tomorrow…either way no one deserved to live with that pain for any length of time and I had long since moved on.

It was time for Hiashi to do the same.

**XxX**

Word came from the front that the war was officially over and slowly lists of the deceased piled in.

I learned that Gai had survived the war but was a notable casualty. He'd been badly crippled and even Lady Tsunade would be unable to repair him.

Many clans lost heads that day.

Shikaku Nara, Yuzuha's beloved brother, was among the deceased.

As was my soft-hearted Hiashi.

It was bittersweet, because I would learn later that he had died protecting Neji who in turn had been about to die to protect Hinata. I only hoped that in his final moments Hiashi had forgiven himself like we had discussed.

I felt surprisingly lonely when I heard of Hiashi's death. It was almost like for a moment I was the last person on Earth. I had my children and I had Yuzuha…but everyone else I had grown up with was _gone_.

Hiashi and Hizashi. My parents. My siblings. My very few friends.

Just _gone_.

It was such an empty feeling to realize that about myself.

With Neji as the official head of both the main and branch clan, the ancient custom of having a servant clan was abolished.

The two clans were amalgamated to form one large Hyuuga Clan. The elders refused to relinquish the Caged Bird Seal, claiming that it was the only thing keeping the clan safe. Neji fought that battle with them for nearly three years before finally they reached a compromise. On one of his missions for Konoha, Neji had met a shinobi talented in Fuuinjutsu who claimed that they could adjust he seal. The seal they proposed was nearly identical with one major difference: it did not give anyone the ability to torture or subjugate another clan member.

It would still act a deterrent and dispose of the eyes upon a clan members death, but it would no longer be a mark of servitude.

Unfortunately, this meant that all non-civilian clan members would be required to get the seal as there was no clear divide between members anymore. For it to be fair, it had to be used on everyone. The elders agreed to this after days of debate and though it took several years for us to test the seal, as we were fortunate to have no clan members die, it was revealed to work as the Fuuinjutsu master had claimed.

The younger generation of Hyuuga did not regard the mark with fear or apprehension. In fact, it quickly became seen as a right of passage for young shinobi. Once you became a genin, you received the seal, a painless procedure and other then a quirky tattoo it had no meaning while you were alive.

After all the pain the seal had caused my family it was surreal to see it be so…nonthreatening. Even anticipated.

When Neji was twenty, he married Tenten which hadn't surprised me. I had always thought my son had a soft spot for the girl and she was a very capable young woman. When they married, the ladies of the clan dressed her up in the heaviest shiromuku we could manage, seeing as she was a kunoichi. I even secretly sewed weights into the hem. To our satisfaction and mirth, she was barely able to move without Neji's help. Not realizing that the reason she was suffering was because of what we had done the poor girl had been beyond embarrassed and so I had sidled up to her when she was sitting alone. I winked at her, in a rare display of playfulness, and assured her that she shouldn't worry because no one who married into the Hyuuga clan should be able to stand at their wedding.

When she joined the clan, I had been the one to teach her etiquette and about her duties as Lady Hyuuga. Now that I had the opportunity to spend more time with her, I grew rather attached to her – she was a fine young woman, and I couldn't have asked for a better daughter-in-law.

The twins both married at sixteen to clan boys with similar personalities that they'd fallen in love with. I found it amusing that for two very different personalities, like Kimiko and Atsuko, they had the same taste in men.

I spent the remainder of my days in peace; helping with the odd clan matter, having tea with Gai and Yuzuha, viewing my garden with Genma and watching my grandchildren play. I discovered quickly that it was easier to be a grandmother then a mother.

I was a very good grandmother.

By the time I passed away on April 23rd, 1486 I had fourteen grandchildren.

Kimiko had six children, Atsuko five and Neji three.

I was only fifty-six when I passed away and I'm not entirely sure why I died…mostly I just think it was because I was _ready_.

I was ready to join everyone else I had lost along the way.

Sure enough, when I crossed over into the Pure Land, they were all waiting for me.


End file.
